Every day can be a struggle for anyone going through a divorce. Surviving a divorce for men can be exceptionally challenging. emotionally, we are restricted by society from being able to share our hurt. Financially, we can be held responsible for a substantial amount of debt. I had difficulty finding support when I went through my divorce 4 years ago, so I was left to figure out things myself.
In those four years, a pattern of thought developed that was counter productive to my recovery. Negative thoughts would flood my head, making it almost impossible to effectively function for that day. Through the years, these three tips have helped me through the moments when life felt unfulfilling and pointless.
Breathing
It is important to develop strong breathing techniques that can assist you through some stressful and anxious times. Breathing may seem to be elementary, but it bears to mention that something so simple can so easily be overlooked. I'm currently teaching my 10 year old son what I do to help him through anxiety. When I feel stressed or have anxiety, I take a moment to relax myself and remember to breath. It only takes a few minutes and is similar to what you may do for meditation. Meditation is another excellent possibility to explore, but for now, I want to just look at getting through the moment.
Close your eyes. Now take a deep, inhaling breath through your nose. I generally will count to eight because that's how long it takes me for a full breath, but you can count to any number at any rate of speed, as long as it is comfortable for you. The idea of counting is to take your mind off of stressful thoughts and to help clear your head.
Now exhale through the mouth, counting as you let the breath out. repeat the process, in through the nose, out through the mouth, counting and relaxing.
It Is What It Is
Accepting things for the way they are can seem unrealistic and easier said then done right now, but this is a critical step towards surviving a divorce for men. This can be a powerful concept and is vital for the healing to truly continue. There are just some things in the world that you can't do anything about. Many of us feel a need to either fix something or spend way to much time thinking about and over analyzing an issues, we never act on them. There is a wonderful feeling that accompanies the ability to let it go. It can feel as if a weight has been lifted off you and you may have a regenerated sense of being. It sounds simple, but simply saying "it is what it is" can have a profound affect on your actions in life.
Just remember there is nothing you can do about the things that have happened and dwelling on them will get you nowhere. I have found myself plenty of times wishing things had happened differently. Wishing does nothing but disappoint you. What has happened, has happened. If you want a different outcome, learn from your mistakes but take the proper steps now. That is what you can control. Now.
There is a natural flow to the process, so if you can't feel full acceptance now, try not to stress about it. Breathe. It will come.
Benefits Of Hobbies
Getting through the gloomy days can sometimes feel paralyzing. There are going to be gloomy days, and if you are anything like me, lots of em'. Days you just can't seem to shake the negativity out of. I needed something I could do to take my mind off the things that would worry me and occupy my time unnecessarily. A hobby can be something, anything, YOU want to do. It is an excellent opportunity to explore ideas and passions that you may have never considered. You can look at being separated or going through a divorce as a chance to utilize the personal time now available to you. I used my time to learn guitar and always look forward to the time I get to play.
Life moves fast and things change quickly. Find the best way for you to find happiness within yourself, but don't rush things. Look for the positives you have now and exploit them to your advantage.
There are many things you can do for help getting through a divorce. Remember to think about yourself and what you enjoy. It's your time, so be selfish.
The best way to make things better is to act now.
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