For most people, spring brings to mind sprouting plants, rain showers and new beginnings. And yet, despite the season, most people going through divorce find it hard at times to think of beginning anything new when what was -their marriage- is ending.
It's so easy to get caught up in all the things that just won't be any more -growing old together, taking that dreamed of second (or maybe first) honeymoon. It is sad that those things won't be. And yet, your life will go on. You will be joyful and happy again -even if it doesn't quite seem like it right now.
What do you say to the idea of starting to think and dream of things to say "hello" to? I hope I heard you say "YES!"
One of the things I know about any relationship and especially marriage is that you make compromises along the way. Maybe your former spouse snores like a freight train and in order to get any kind of sleep at night you've worn ear plugs to bed for the last 20 years! Or maybe your former spouse had food allergies and was allergic to garlic. So you haven't eaten garlic bread or ordered pizza for the last 5 years. (Yes, I do know someone who was in a relationship with someone allergic to garlic. No, it wasn't me.)
I'm guessing there are certain compromises you've made during your marriage - things that you simply won't have to do anymore. Am I right? Well, these are exactly the things that you can now say "hello" to now.
Your Functional Divorce Assignment:
Make a list of the compromises you made during your marriage. Put it all down. Did you give up a favorite hobby? Did you change what you ate? Did you change how you spoke?
Decide what you want to invite back into your life. Take a good look at your list. What on the list do you want to start doing again? What on your list do you want to start having again?
Write a "hello" letter. Using that list of things you want to invite back into your life, write a letter to yourself about all the things you're going to invite back into your life. This is your "hello" or new beginnings letter.
Pick one. Which thing that you're saying "hello" to are you ready to do or have right now? Make sure it's something that you'll enjoy now and feel good about in the long term. Then, just go after it!
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Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program and http://www.functionaldivorce.com/. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com/ to learn more about Karen's work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.
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