The Many Reasons for Divorce

There are many reasons why you may want to divorce your spouse. Marriages break down all the time. While only the people in those marriages know exactly what has happened in their specific circumstances, some reasons are more common than others.

One of the most obvious reasons for divorce is infidelity. The discovery that their spouse has been cheating can be cataclysmic for many people. Or, partners may know that their husband or wife is a serial cheater, but one day something happens that pushes their behavior over the line from being tolerable to being unacceptable. Infidelity is one of the most accepted reasons for divorce.

Other reasons for divorce include domestic violence. In some cases, one partner may have been violent or abusive towards the man or woman that they are married to. If your spouse falls into this category, then as well as seeking advice from a lawyer, you may also want to find support and counseling from one of the many groups that try to help people in the same position that you are in. If domestic violence has caused the breakdown of your marriage and a court is convinced that your ex-partner is a danger to you and any children, then this can greatly impact on access arrangements after the divorce.

Other reasons for divorce include inability to control addictions on the part of one partner. This can include a gambling addition, alcoholism, drug abuse and other similar vices. These addictions can be very long running, but cause the affected partner to run up debt in the family's name and act irrationally. Many spouses will be willing to give their partner help initially, but if the addict is unwilling to seek help or is otherwise unable to control their addiction, then eventually many spouses - and other family members, too- will cut ties to preserve their own finances, mental health and emotional wellbeing.

However, not all reasons for divorce relate to criminal or immoral behavior on the part of one partner. Sometimes, two people who were in love in their 20s may simply grow apart as the years go by. Interests can separate and a couple may find themselves spending less and less time together and more time with their friends, at work and on other interests. What can start off as a passionate relationship may simply run its course. Couples in these situations may decide to go their own separate ways more or less amicably, with a minimum of legal proceedings. Factors like these can be just as valid reasons for divorce as other darker and more dramatic discoveries and experiences.

There are many, many other valid reasons for divorce, including sexual incompatibility, insurmountable cultural differences and differing opinions and desires about the future. Ultimately, you and your partner can be the only judges of what are valid reasons for divorce - and if you do decide to divorce, then a solid plan of what to do next will help you cope with the transition.

Original article

Deciding Between Filing for Divorce or Trying a Mediator

When you realize it is time to get divorced, you have to learn a whole new language. And if you've made this realization first, you are probably the one who wants out. You need help. There are a lot of books available, but they are too long and too much work to read. Trust me, I bought them all and didn't end up using one. As a soon to be single mom, the last thing I wanted to add to my to-do list was reading a big stack of text books.

The most important question you have to ask yourself is really, "How long do I want this to take?" Mediation is supposed to be the easier, friendlier, less expensive path. There is even another (yes, another!) book out there written specifically to convince you to stick with mediation. I've also been told that if you file and use lawyers, the only ones who win are the lawyers. I beg to differ, and here's why (and I am NOT a lawyer):

Mediation can delay your divorce, significantly. Mediation means that you are hiring someone to help you and your spouse agree on your own, to terms of the divorce. If you are divorcing, it is unlikely that you agree on getting divorced in the first place let alone exactly who gets which holidays with the kids, how much money everyone gets, where everyone will live, or who gets the house (or all the money in it). What will happen is that you'll make repeat visits to the mediator's office with no firm timeline in place to solidify your desired freedom. When you file, your spouse has firm deadlines and a responsibility to the court. Any fooling around will only hurt their case, so they will start to follow the process. You will get a court date, and you will get your divorce.

Mediation also allows your spouse to play games. Your spouse will not have any responsibility to anyone to do anything. The ones who want to marriage to live are not going to be jumping through any hoops to make the end near. You will find that after months of meetings, you are basically nowhere. If you file, they lose their control over the situation, and over you.

Divorce is never easy and it is heartbreaking whether you are initiating it or not. You did love this person once, and now that is over, at least in the romantic sense. Whatever you do, make sure you take care of yourself emotionally and physically.

Broken Heart RX is a trademark of Becker Nutraceuticals, LLC. Broken Heart RX is a three tiered break up support system that includes a one-of-a-kind nutraceutical supplement, a 90 day survival guide, and certified therapist network resource to get you the help you need. Go to http://www.brokenheartrx.com/ now to read the boards, get advice, download their free tip guide, or join the system. It might take some work and some time, but you will get over this. That is the Broken Heart RX promise. http://www.brokenheartrx.com/

Original article

Are You Lonely After Your Divorce?

You are feeling lonely after your divorce. You seem to see couples everywhere, magazines, films, coffee shops! You are not sure where to turn next. Divorce knocks your confidence, in some ways you have to learn how to socialise all over again.

How can I help?

Well, I've been there and I know how hard it is to get out and get some company.

You feel lonely around the house because, at this stage, even bad company seems to better than no company.

Here's one tip to try. You'll need to enlist the help of a good friend or maybe a sister or brother.

Ask them to be your loneliness accountability partner.

Here's how it works.

You are allowed to call them once each day or less. You may complain about feeling lonely. Their part of the bargain is to give you 30 minutes max and in that time you will both discuss what you have done today to improve your situation.

Yeh, I know it's tough, but there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. And, interestingly, learning how to be happy alone is part of dealing with loneliness.

We all get lonely from time to time, we are by nature social creatures, yet we all benefit from some time alone, so, what is the difference?

When you are alone and being productive or taking care of yourself you won't feel lonely. E.g. walking, cleaning, reading, gardening, doing puzzles, waxing your legs, meditating, fixing / washing the car, make up your won list.....

You will feel lonely if you sit around wishing there was someone else there and feeling sorry for yourself. That is allowed some of the time, it's a problem when you allow yourself to do it most of the time.

Okay, so you live by yourself now, you go to work each day and you come home to an empty house every night. Make yourself a weekly schedule of evening activities, and end each evening with a treat for yourself, a bath, one of your fav films, a good book and a night cap. Include at least 2 nights where you go out of the house to do something, e.g. go to the gym, walk in a busy area - you are more likely to meet people, if you don't like walking alone offer to walk a friends dog!

Do the same for the weekend. Plan ahead, start the day with a leisurely breakfast, stroll or drive into to town, do your shopping, meet a friend for coffee, go to the library. Invite your family for dinner, take part in any fund raising events in your area, become a volunteer, take up landscape painting or photography - think about it seriously, what things have you always longed or wished you had time to do - now is your chance.

You have probably guessed by now that I'm a big fan of being proactive! If you choose to sit in your armchair and wait for life to come knocking on your door you'll wait a long time. Life is what you make it - get busy!

You are wrong - I do care, and it wasn't always easy getting my life back on track, but I sure wasn't going to pass it sitting on the sidelines!

Thanks for your visit, let me know how you are getting on.

Hello, I'm Mary Moir, most of my career has been about people just like you. Wives, husbands, families.
What I've learned is that you need to feel good about yourself to have a good relationship and be a successful parent.
collect your book now, http://www.yemanyacoaching.com/ebooks/get-your-life-back-on-track-after-divorce/
Put the life back in your living!

Original article

Mending Your Marriage: Tips That Work

When you swapped vows in front of the altar, likely the last thing you thought you'd be doing at this point in your marriage is trying to find ways for making up in a marriage, yet that is exactly where you are at. You may find some comfort in knowing that almost every marriage has its struggles, and while some ultimately do fall apart, many couples do find a way to reconnect once again.

Serious Issues

Many couples do have some fairly serious issues that they will need to work out. Whether you are trying to find ways for making up in a marriage where infidelity came into play, get past the stresses that come with financial woes, or even just find ways for getting your ex back altogether, you may find that therapy can help. If your spouse or ex will not join you, you can absolutely talk to a specialist on your own. Your specialist can help you cope with your own feelings, and he or she can help you to work on strategies for communicating with your spouse or ex, too.

Minor Gripes

Minor gripes and complaints can really add up over time. Things like your spouse leaving dirty clothes on the floor or constantly needing to control the remote can really weigh on your nerves over time. Chances are that however many gripes and minor complaints you have, your spouse likely has a similar number of complaints about you. It does take a lot of give and take to live with someone, and whether you've been married for six months or sixty years, the gripes and complaints will go on. If you don't want to find ways for making up in a marriage, you will want to talk to your spouse about these little gripes that seem to be mounting before you two reach a tipping point. Sometimes, voicing your concerns and listening to the issues your spouse has about you can help you both either understand what's going on or make adjustments.

Give Space

The fact is that you both entered into the marriage with the intent to stay together forever, and while that unfortunately doesn't always happen, you should know that your spouse likely wants to get things back on track as much as you do. Sometimes, however, making up in a marriage does indeed involve creating some space between the two of you so that you can calm down and have time to think away from the emotions of your fighting. If you do want to mend your marriage and don't want to be getting your ex back in a few weeks, you do want to give your partner space even if you really want to hash things out right now.

Shake Things Up

If your marriage is having issues not because of serious issues like financial woes, infidelity, or other such things and you also are not being burdened by constant bickering, it may indeed be having issues because of a lack of intimacy. In this case,making up in a marriage involves shaking things up a bit. You will want to make an effort to plan a few fun or romantic outings with your spouse so the two of you can reconnect, and be sure that your reconnection carries over into the bedroom, too. Getting your ex back is no fun, and the fact is that by taking some simple measures to keep your relationship fun, active, and intimate are great ways to prevent a breakup from happening in the first place.

The Right Approach

Every marriage will be at a different stage and will have different issues with it. Making up in a marriage for some may mean therapy while for others it may simply mean a romantic night on the town is in order. Once you make the right decision and have a good approach for mending your marriage, you will find that you no longer have to worry about getting your ex back in the future because your marriage will once again be on solid ground.

Do you know how to attract your perfect mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Ken Beaven can provide you additional information leading to your success and advise you with skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit http://www.passiontips.com/.

Original article

Being Thankful During a Breakup

It sounds kind of hard at first, doesn't it? I mean who wants to be grateful during a breakup? How DO you get over a breakup and be appreciative all at the same time? It can be done. It will brighten your day and you deserve a brighter day, right, Dearie?

Here's a few easy steps to take:

1. Be thankful that you're no longer in the relationship. You might be thinking ~ What? My heart is broken. I'm NOT thankful for that. You're crazy! I get it. However, if you think about it for a moment, even if you miss him, there are definitely things about him and maybe some of his annoying habits that you're grateful you won't ever have to endure again. Piles of dirty clothes on the bedroom floor? Never again. Chewing with his mouth open? Huh-uh. Never again. Whatever it happens to be, there ARE some things that you WON'T miss.

2. Be thankful for something you've learned from the relationship. Maybe you've learned that you're a lot stronger than you thought you were. Maybe you've learned that you want to be with someone with certain personality traits that your ex didn't have. Is there a new hobby you'd like to try? If you look back at the relationship as only a waste of your time, then you're missing out on the valuable life lessons it has to offer. If what you take from the end of a relationship helps your future, then you didn't waste a single second of your life.

3. Be thankful for the loving people around you. Typically, we've all got a cheering section during a breakup. Sometimes, it's a few friends that have been with you through thick and thin. Other times, you've got a great family connection with lots of support. If you're lucky, it's both. Take a moment to think of these awesome people and feel gratitude for their presence in your life. After all, isn't life a whole lot more fun with them in it?

4. Be thankful for all the "things" you have around you. This step is pretty cool if you allow it to be unlimited. This means you can be thankful for everything from your comfy warm bed to the new boots you just bought that you love to the pretty little bird outside your window that stops by for just a second. Look around for a minute, find things to be grateful for and improve your mood. It's that simple!

5. Be thankful for your kick-butt self! Yes ~ YOU! Come on...admit it...you're pretty special. You rock. You've got a stunning future ahead of you. You are powerful. We all know you're beautiful. Take a moment to be grateful for YOU. If you get a chance to peek in the mirror, do some mirror work. Gaze into your eyes and tell yourself ~ I love you! What's your best feature? Admire it. Own it. Work it! You, my friend, are splendid!

Traci Vincent, a yoga instructor/blogger, writes about appreciation, "These small pulses of gratitude and thankfulness start my day off in a positive direction. The more I've practiced this throughout the day when I think about it, the more "muscle" I've built in my positive mind. This has thereby increased my reserve of positive emotions and helped me become more resistant to negative emotions."

Having a thankful heart while getting over a breakup is a perfect way to take stock of all the good in your life. Sometimes, it's easy to overlook this good when heartbreak takes over. This Thanksgiving, set aside some time to revel in appreciation!

I am grateful that you have taken the time to read this article. It is truly a blessing to be able to pass on information and knowledge that I have discovered along my journey.

Shine On!

If you like this, you'll love Laura's FREE 5 Steps to Getting Your Groovy Back audio minicourse. In it, you'll learn how to boost your mood throughout the day, how to deal with difficult emotions and remain sassy, why resentment depletes your strength and lots more. Visit http://www.thebreakuplounge.com/ to get it now!

Laura Smith is the founder of The Breakup Lounge, a business devoted to enriching the lives of women dealing with the end of a relationship. Using her own life experiences, she has developed coaching packages offering tools to help women bring their emotions back into control while still allowing them, ideas for establishing self-care rituals, freedom from potential bitterness and resentment and positive expectations for the future. She understands all the different facets of a breakup including the fear, hopelessness, low self-esteem, whirlwind of emotions, stress and blame that can occur. She loves helping women end the heartbreak and get back to their sassy selves!

Original article

Divorce Cyber Style

Divorce has always been such an ugly thing. No one, even those who desire an amicable dissolution of marriage, emerges from a divorce unscathed. In one respect or another, after it's over, almost everyone feels like a victim because divorce makes a person feel like a failure. Even though a marriage takes two people to make a go of it, it still feels like a personal failure when it doesn't succeed.

By the time a couple decides to go their separate ways, there is so much anger, hurt, and bitterness, that they are beyond the point where they can be reasonable about the division of assets. They don't even care that most of their settlement will go toward attorneys' fees; they just want their day in court.

Hence, the high-priced divorce attorneys of yesteryear.

Divorce has always been a lucrative field for attorneys. There are no state or federal laws governing the fee structure an attorney can charge to handle a divorce. There is nothing to stop him or her from asking an exorbitant retainer fee before taking the case.

In the past, it wasn't unusual for a spouse to want to take the other one to the cleaners. That's how divorce attorneys made their money. They were often accused, and many rightly so, of egging their clients on to sue for more money, ask for more things, just so they could run up more billable hours.

But those days have come and gone. At least for now.

Today, many of those high-priced attorneys are scraping for a living because of the failing economy and the easy access that people have for handling their own divorces.

With unemployment at an all-time high, and the economy at an all- time low, people who are in unhappy marriages have found a way to extricate themselves from their misery with do-it-yourself divorce kits. Some of these kits are free of charge. Others cost anywhere from $95.00 to a few hundred dollars and come with a set of instructions for how to file for divorce in the state where you and your spouse are living.

And now there are cyber-divorce kits that are being called point- and-click splits because you can get the divorce forms online and fill them out in twenty minutes to a few hours. Since this is an uncontested divorce, you and your spouse can sit in front of a computer and just point and click your answers to the questions that are asked.

There are different kinds of services. With some of them, there is a legal team that goes over the answers to your questionnaire and they fill out the papers and mail them to you. Other services use a software program that uses your answers to fill out the documents, and then the program lets you and your spouse download these divorce papers, sign them, and submit them to a court.

Depending on the state laws where you and your spouse reside, you can fax or mail these divorce papers to the courthouse. However, some states require you to be there in person in case counseling is recommended.

But all divorces: do-yourself-divorce kits or cyber-divorce over the internet, fax the papers or mail them, or go in person to file them at the courthouse, all require a judge's signature on the divorce decree. Although a cyber-divorce is legal, many judges disapprove of them because they feel that the dissolution of a marriage is a serious matter and people won't give it the gravity it deserves if all they have to do is sit at a computer and click on some answers.

In spite of that, many couples feel that since they have been unhappy enough to consider a divorce, it is better to get it over with quickly while they are still capable of being civil to each other. Then, too, there are a couple of important benefits to consider in getting a cyber-divorce: they are more affordable than going to an attorney and they can be done without ever leaving the comfort of your home.

The important thing in getting a cyber-divorce is that you have to agree on all the issues. There will be queries on that questionnaire pertaining to child support, alimony, custody of minors, visitation, alternating vacations, education, medical and dental expenses, health insurance, and division of property and all your other assets, including who gets the family dog and visitation rights.

If you do decide to go this route, it will probably be the one time in your entire marriage that you will agree on everything. In fact, you have to agree on all the answers so that it can be an uncontested cyber-divorce.

Marriage and divorce are serious matters but Erin Monaghan injected a bit of graveyard humor into it when she wrote in her article, Online Divorce - Is It Legal?, "Marriage is a sacred union between two people who can get married at a drive thru in Las Vegas and divorced over the internet."

Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver. She is known throughout the world for helping clients find workable solutions to problems that are often complex and systemic in nature and part of a corporation's culture or an individual's pattern of behavior.

Connie has hosted her own weekly radio show, been a weekly guest on a morning radio show, done guest spots on radio shows around the country, and appeared as a guest on a cable television show. Connie wrote a weekly newspaper Advice Column for sixteen years and has been invited to speak at local colleges and given lectures around the country. She also wrote the scripts for a weekly financial show on cable television.

Connie is the author of the book, "Whispers of the Soul" and is the co-author of an E-book, "Getting Rich While the Rest of the World Falls Apart" which is being offered as a free download on her website. She has also written and produced two CDs on Meditation and Relationships and has done coaching on customer service and employee relationships. Her website is: http://www.conniehdeutsch.com/

Original article

Don'ts of a Breakup

I promise that if you do the things on this list, you will someday live to regret it!

Okay. Here's the deal...you miss him. I mean you REALLY miss him. Let me say it one more time - You REALLY SUPER DUPER BEYOND BELIEF MISS HIM! I understand. I've been there too. I've also made a bloody fool of myself in the midst of a breakup. That's why I'm writing now. I want to save YOU from making the same mistakes.

So, without further ado, here is a list of things you shouldn't do during a breakup in no particular order:

1. Drunk dial him at 2 a.m. or sober dial him at 4 p.m. The timing makes no difference. He can see right through this. He knows what you're doing and you'll feel like a fool afterwards. Really...you will. It seems like a gem of an idea after a couple margaritas with the girls. You get home. You're feeling lonely. You imagine him feeling lonely too. He might need to hear your voice to comfort him through this time, right? WRONG!

2. Make up an emergency just to talk to him. So you twisted your ankle playing volleyball. Or maybe you won an award at work. Or maybe your dog vomited. Or maybe you're just pathetically looking for a "good" reason to contact him. Is this information he really needs or wants to know? Honestly? Huh-uh. No, Ma'am. He's no longer in your life so he doesn't get to hear about everything that's happening to you whether it's good, bad or otherwise.

3. Beg. Really? You're fabulous. Why would you beg a moron who doesn't realize your fabulousity to stay with you? Makes no sense. It's beneath you. Don't do it.

4. "Accidentally" run into him. Yeah, we've all done it. You get that surprised look on your face and say, "I didn't know you were going to be here!" Really? You so did. You knew he was going to be here and you planned it like this. The only thing you didn't plan was the look on his face that says, "Oh, no. She's here! Dang!" Not very fun. Not a good time. I know this destroys your vision of him looking at you, suddenly realizing what a dreadful mistake he made and taking you in his arms while simultaneously begging for forgiveness and booking you a trip to Bermuda. I wish I didn't have to crush your dreams this way but...it's highly unlikely that your dream will come true. Instead of planning a run-in, why not spend the time getting a manicure or walking your cat? Both are better uses of your valuable and beautiful self!

5. Answer when HE calls at 2 am. or 4 p.m. for that matter. If you do, you will be providing what I call "breakup assistance" to him. This means that whenever he's feeling a little lonely or reminiscing or regretting his decision - you're always there for him to lean on. Effectively, you are helping him get over you. What? You want to HELP him get over you? Get over it. You deserve better. If he doesn't want all of you, then he doesn't get little bits and pieces here and there when it pleases him. If you give in, it will start happening less and less because...well, you've helped him get over you. Wouldn't you rather help YOU get over HIM? Now that sounds better.

If you follow this list of don'ts -- no matter how tough they seem -- I promise that you'll feel more confident about YOU and the choices YOU make! After all, you are FABULOUS!

Shine On!

If you like this, you'll love Laura's FREE 5 Steps to Getting Your Groovy Back audio minicourse. In it, you'll learn how to boost your mood throughout the day, how to deal with difficult emotions and remain sassy, why resentment depletes your strength and lots more. Visit http://www.thebreakuplounge.com/ to get it now!

Laura Smith is the founder of The Breakup Lounge, a business devoted to enriching the lives of women dealing with the end of a relationship. Using her own life experiences, she has developed coaching packages offering tools to help women bring their emotions back into control while still allowing them, ideas for establishing self-care rituals, freedom from potential bitterness and resentment and positive expectations for the future. She understands all the different facets of a breakup including the fear, hopelessness, low self-esteem, whirlwind of emotions, stress and blame that can occur. She loves helping women end the heartbreak and get back to their sassy selves!

Original article

Divorce Info: No-Fault Divorce

Preparing for divorce is an exhausting but necessary process. The divorce process is arduous and may feel very drawn out. A no-fault divorce may be the easiest way for you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to move on with your lives and heal.

A no-fault or uncontested divorce is basically a legal separation of a married couple of which one or both parties no longer wants to be married. A no-fault divorce is one in which neither the husband nor the wife officially blames the other for the breakdown of the marriage. Common basis for no-fault divorce are "irreconcilable differences," "irretrievable breakdown," or "incompatibility." This separation does not have to be due to marital disputes, violence, infidelity, or other transgressions. It enables you and your spouse to dissolve your marriage without having to prove fault to the court-rather, you may just cite "irreconcilable differences." These requirements created the concept of a unilateral divorce, which enables either party to end a marriage if he or she desires to do so. A no-fault divorce makes going through the divorce process quickly a more conceivable option. And, if you have children, this type of divorce generally offers the least upheaval to their lives.

No-fault divorces were unavailable in the United States until the 1970s; prior to this you could only seek a divorce if you had grounds to prove cruelty, infidelity, abandonment, or a similar offense. New York was the last state to implement no-fault divorces and did so in 2010. Generally, the primary motive for filing for a no-fault divorce is in-supportability. In divorce law, this refers to an unconquerable emotional separation between you and your spouse.

A no-fault divorce neither indicates nor guarantees that you and your spouse will agree on all matters. It just means that you do not need to prove how and why he or she has wronged you. If you are in an emotionally or physically unhealthy marriage, this type of divorce protects your rights-you do not need to be in personal contact with your spouse to begin this type of divorce process. A no-fault divorce also takes less time to obtain than a contested divorce. This shortens the amount of time you have to stay in an overall stressful situation and decrease the financial drain the procedure may cost you-less time spent in court means less legal fees (and probably less headaches). Additionally, divorce settlements are based on need, ability to pay, and contribution to the family finances, instead of on fault.

Try not to wait until the divorce has been granted to begin the process of healing. Getting a divorce is very emotionally and financially taxing, and you need to establish a support system to help you through this period. Divorce advice is available in a variety of ways-from books on divorce to online and in-person divorce support groups and forums. Although a no-fault divorce is conceptually less stressful than a contested divorce, you will still need to give yourself the time and tools to recover from this emotional experience.

In "The Divorce Survival Guide for Women", readers are offered divorce advice and divorce tips.

Original article

Fear - It Grips More Than The Relationship

I was ashamed of myself. I should have known better. Why did I allow this to happen? Why did I let this go so far? What the hell was I thinking? Men as well as women can be on the wrong side of an abusive relationship. I know, I was there, and these are just some of the thoughts that came to mind when I looked back and began to write my book about the experience. Although you see many stories and hear about women who are abused in some way, physically, mentally or emotionally, there are many men who find themselves on the receiving end.

The conclusions that I came to might surprise you, might even shock you, but the main conclusion I came to was this. Almost everything I did, was done out of fear. Fear of what might happen, fear of what could happen, fear of what people thought, fear of what people would say and ultimately, fear of the unknown. Maybe there are fewer stories about men in abusive relationships because of fear. They probably feel that as a man they might be viewed or ridiculed as being weak or pathetic, unable to stand up to a woman and take charge of the situation.

Personally and speaking from hard earned experience, I got myself into the relationship from hell. I often asked myself how I could have been so stupid to carry on with a relationship which was clearly never going to last. I got engaged; I got married and endured a honeymoon nightmare after a wedding day disaster that most people couldn't even imagine.

I believe that many people are in relationships, men and women that they just shouldn't be in. Like me they are or were in the relationship for the wrong reasons, one of the main reasons being fear. It's only when we step out of the fear factor and allow ourselves to be free, that we feel alive again.

Experience is a great teacher and in any lifetime we all have lessons to learn. I was lucky. My inner voices, or as I prefer to call them, my spirit guides, were on hand to steer me through the troubled times and get me to the other side. Here we have another major issue. Most often we are led by our brain and logic rather than being led by our hearts. We may often feel that our heart is talking but more often than not it's logic mixed with fear. It's only when we get quiet, we have time to reflect and truly follow the heart's desire. I know of no one who ever had the heart's desire to live in an abusive relationship, so the question is: Why do so many people find themselves there?

There is nothing wrong with admitting mistakes and leaving a relationship that isn't working. The trick is to leave the relationship and stay away. Going back on the promise of changes being made rarely, if ever work, especially if there has been a troubled and turbulent history. At best the changes will last a few days, a few weeks, or if you are really lucky, a few months. It's never too long before the old habits start repeating and you're back at square one. How long do you go on? How much do you take? How far do you let things slide, before you see sense and leave for good? All good questions and if you are in the wrong relationship, then I hope you answer them quicker than I did.

Like most everyone else I have lived my life in a predominantly linear manner. I mean I have always tried to figure everything out with brain power, willpower or mind power. The truth is that there is no real power in any of these. Sure we can logically reason and make decisions based on the information we receive through our brain or mind. The trouble with that is the information is filtered and based on beliefs or what we already know. Sometimes these filters are defective or fear based and the information we get can be faulty or incomplete.

Since writing "Orion & The Wildcat" I have found that my perspectives have changed or are beginning to change. I now believe that we should not be thinking with our minds but following our hearts instead.

Here is why:

In the book you'll discover the consequences I faced as I allowed my EGO and fears to be the basis for almost all the decisions I made. See for yourself the timeless wisdom that was being presented to me that was largely ignored. I also reveal the disastrous situations I found myself in due to the blind faith I had in logic and reason.

http://orionandthewildcat.com/
http://natureowisdom.com/

Original article

How to Deal With Loneliness

Are you scared to be alone? First of all, let me tell you that it is perfectly natural for you to have these feelings. I remember that just the thought of having a Friday night with no plans terrified me - not to mention actually enduring it. What happens is this: Your mind stops being busy with activity - activity - activity! You then have some space to remember and feel that your heart is broken. It's uncomfortable. It hurts. Therefore, in order to escape the pain, you do another activity - activity - activity! You keep yourself so preoccupied because you're afraid of your feelings and you're not sure how to deal with loneliness. Well, I've got news for you. You won't be able to run away and eventually, they'll find you.

It could be six months from now when you're at the grocery store and you can't find your favorite brand of lima beans and - whoosh! - there they are and you're sobbing in front of the stock boy. Or it could be three months from now when you're on a date with someone else and realize that your ex would never pick his teeth with a straw like this guy sitting across from you - whoosh! - you find yourself tearing up and passing it off on the onions in your dish. You see a pattern here? They will find a way to get you - if you don't get them first!

So here are some tricks for spending time alone:

1. Find a movie that you have on DVD and love. My personal favorite is Grumpier Old Men. It's hysterical. I can't watch it and be sad. Find a movie like that for yourself. Even if you're not going to be in the same room as the TV, just have it on in the background. You'll find yourself listening to it and chuckling.

2. Get a great book or magazine - something uplifting and fun. Read it while your movie is in the background.

3. Order in some great food or make yourself a dish you love. Enjoy it. Really. I should probably point out that a quart of marshmallow fudge ice cream does not constitute a meal.

If the thought of being ALONE really freaks you out, you could:

1. Go to a bookstore and buy the aforementioned good book or magazine. Sometimes, just getting out among people makes you feel better. The employees at the bookstore in my neighborhood were my Friday night buddies for quite a while. I did feel better, though, getting out for a bit.

2. Go to a coffee shop to read the aforementioned good book or magazine. Again, getting out in any form can lift your spirits.

I know that it may sound unbelievable to you now but I believe that someday you will be comfortable alone. You will be peaceful and calm and happy by yourself. I got to the point where I really craved alone time. It felt weird at first because I had gone out of my way to avoid it. However, I soon became my own best friend. I got myself through the tough times. I trusted myself to do it again.

I hope this helps! Shine on!

If you like this, you'll love Laura's FREE 5 Steps to Getting Your Groovy Back audio minicourse. In it, you'll learn how to boost your mood throughout the day, how to deal with difficult emotions and remain sassy, why resentment depletes your strength and lots more. Visit http://www.thebreakuplounge.com/ to get it now!

Laura Smith is the founder of a company called The Breakup Lounge, a company devoted to enriching the lives of women dealing with the end of a relationship. Using her own life experiences, she has developed coaching packages offering tools to help women bring their emotions back into control while still allowing them, ideas for establishing self-care rituals, freedom from potential bitterness and resentment and positive expectations for the future. She understands all the different facets of a breakup including the fear, hopelessness, low self-esteem, whirlwind of emotions, stress and blame that can occur. She loves helping women end the heartbreak and get back to their sassy selves!

Original article

Ten Reasons Why Marriages End in Divorce

The statistics are shocking. Right now in the United States, over 50% of all marriages are ending in divorce. We can't help but wonder what happened to change marriage success rates so drastically over the past few decades. The truth is that people just aren't as willing to put up with situations that aren't making them happy. The secret to maintaining a marriage is to find out the reasons why the relationship isn't the satisfying experience it could be and fix them. Listed below are ten of the major reasons marriages fail:

1. When trust and understanding are no longer part of a marriage, it's headed for failure. Things like this occur when partners are too stubborn to try and see things from the perspective of their mates. Compromise is a necessary commodity.

2. Have you ever heard yourself accusing your spouse of having changed from the person you originally married? All of us grow and change throughout life based on our experiences. If you feel your spouse has changed, stop and consider why that has happened.

3. If you start thinking that being married to someone else would make you happier, you're asking for disaster. About 90% of marriages that end do so because one or both spouses have been unfaithful. In truth, most of themselves unable to be happy in any kind of relationship due to the fact that they aren't willing to make the commitment to live with both bad and good.

4. The Bible tells us that when we marry we are united into one body. This applies to our minds as well. If you start thinking about having things "your way" or "my way" instead of "our way", your marriage is headed for troubled waters.

5. If sex is boring or nonexistent, soon the marriage will be, too. People who have sexual relations prior to marriage often find themselves getting bored with their partner before too long. The concept of keeping yourself for marriage wasn't far off base. Otherwise, you'd better be prepared to do whatever it takes to keep your sexual interest alive.

6. Too many lies can destroy a marriage. People need to feel that they spouses are being honest with them. Distrust causes major rifts in many relationships.

7. Playing the fault game is also detrimental to harmony. If you spend more time trying to blame each other for your problems than you do in trying to work things out, there's nowhere to go but down.

8. One partner excluding the other from major parts of their life will end up killing the relationship. The other spouse will feel neglected and as if they aren't really a part of a union any longer. No matter how busy you are, you need to spend quality time with each other.

9. Feelings that their spouse is never there when they need him or her can lead to discord. If the two of you aren't each others' support system, then you need to start working on it.

10. Deciding that you're tired of dealing with all the problems in your marriage can be equated with throwing in the towel for good. Almost all problems can be worked out if you're willing to make the effort. Giving up will get you nowhere but divorced.

Get 8 hours of live marriage coaching and proven marriage advice that really works at: Stop divorce or here: Save My Marriage.

Original article

Abuse and Divorce - Attorney Control Dynamics in Domestic Violence Divorce

Is your attorney working for you, literally? Or are you working for him, figuratively?

Many women involved in a domestic violence divorce merely find themselves going from one abusive relationship to another. And then they wonder, how they got from the frying pan to the fire.

Intimate Partner Control

Battered women claim to understand the control dynamics of their intimate relationship once they have accepted that they are, indeed, wearing the abused spouse shoes. They see the imbalance of power within the relationship. They know they are holding the short stick. And they genuinely fear their overpowering partners.

Over time they grow to resent the oppression they experience under his/her control. And they despise the gestures of disrespect, discount and disregard commonplace in their abusive relationship.

So you would think with all this awareness of what they seek to rid themselves of that would see the same qualities should they exist in another relationship. But they don't. Here's why...

Divorce Attorney Control

If you think you are vulnerable when you are in an abusive relationship with your intimate partner, know that vulnerability is relative. Far too often, it is only a fraction of the vulnerability battered women experience in relation to their divorce attorneys.

Once thrust forth into a divorce proceeding in which domestic abuse lurks in the case, another controlling and often abusive relationship forms between the battered spouse and their legal counsel. It's natural for the litigant... and it is expected by counsel.

From the attorney's point of view, he/she cannot manage a case in which the litigant is not contained. Counsel must control the client in order for the proceedings to progress "smoothly."

This control can be assumed diplomatically or outright abusively. The viciousness that some attorneys impose on battered women would turn your stomach. And when you are a battered woman in this relationship, your stomach is in a knot much of the time.

You envision your whole life in this person's hands. And when children are in the picture, their lives and your relationship with them also rests in your controlling attorney's hands. More often than not, what this relationship dynamic brings out in battered women unfortunately interferes with accomplishing their goals.

Attorney as Employee, NOT Employer

Given these dynamics, how can battered women become empowered litigants in their domestic violence divorce? Or, can they?

I believe they can if, and only if, they choose to do so. Further, I observe that when they do, they are more often successful in obtaining the outcome they seek for themselves and for their children in their divorce.

For more information about abuse and divorce visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/legal_domestic_abuse.php and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples end and heal from domestic abuse. ©Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Original article

Divorce (Autism)

Going through a divorce is a very stressful and traumatic event that is not unlike a bereavement. There are stages of grief to go through, and there are likely to be feelings and sentiments of a loss of hope and dreams. Although there may be existing problems or reasons why a marriage is faltering, having a child who needs a lot more extra time and attention, as well as additional resources, can take its toll.

According to a recent study (Hartley et al.), parents of a child with an autism spectrum disorder had a higher rate of divorce than a comparison group, and this rate remained high throughout the son or daughter's childhood, adolescence and early adulthood.

Any of the stages or landmarks in the child's development can introduce its own particular stresses or strains within the family, and can cause a marriage to gradually break down over time.

Early Years/Diagnosis

The stress and strain of having a special child but not knowing what is causing the child's problems puts an extra burden on a relationship that may already be struggling. When the diagnosis occurs, parents sometimes blame themselves for the child's difficulties as they search for answers or reasons for what has happened. Counseling can be beneficial to talk through these issues.

Mothers may do more than what would be expected for a child that develops in a straightforward way. Fathers may throw themselves into their job and often work longer hours; sometimes this serves as an escape from what is happening at home, or it is a means to provide the extra money needed for any additional resources.

Adolescence

These years can be challenging as the child becomes bigger and less easy to handle. Puberty and developing sexuality can exacerbate any existing behavioral problems.

Adulthood

There are concerns for the future, such as independent living and continuing services, which can add extra worries and concerns within the family unit.

During any of these stages, couples may find they have grown apart, are leading separate lives or are simply growing in a different direction from one another. However, there is always hope to save a flailing marriage, or even prevent its demise. A marriage can be strengthened if couples are united and if they can re-evaluate their priorities so that the family comes first. A good plan of action would include finding activities to enjoy together as a family - weekly outings, respite care, a supportive extended family, and support groups.

If, however, divorce becomes inevitable, it is important for parents to take care of their needs, for example, by talking things through with friends, or maybe a professional counsellor or church counsellor. There may be a number of changes taking place, such as moving house, as well as all the emotional issues to be faced and dealt with.

Children can become very unsettled if there is turmoil at home and may exhibit behavioral changes, such as acting up more, or developing skin rashes due to stress and anxiety. They need reassurance and to know if their schedule changes, including when they will see a parent again. To adjust, help and guidance may need to be sought from a professional. It is important to tailor language to the child's level of understanding without too much detail about what is happening. The use of picture cards may be helpful as an aid to understanding for younger children.

Divorce is never easy for all the people involved and affected. The process can be made a lot less dramatic by focusing on the particular needs of family members to make the transition easier for all involved. Divorce is not inevitable, however. Having a child with autism can bring some couples closer together. A united couple and a good plan of action is helpful.

References:

National Center for Biotechnical Information. (n.d.). Ncbi.nlm.nih: The relative risk and timing of divorce in families of children with an autism spectrum disorder (Hartley et al.) Retrieved April 24 2011, from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20731491

Original article

What's Your Reason For Wanting a Divorce?

So you think your marriage is on the rocks, and the only future you can see ahead of you is divorce. Have you examined the reasons why you believe a divorce is the answer? After all, this is the person you adored so much when you were first married, and he or she is really the same person down inside. True, they've grown and changed, as you yourself have, but they're still the person you were in love with not so very long ago. Maybe if you stopped and looked at the main reasons people give for wanting a divorce, you'll find both the root of your own problems and a possible solution that involves staying together. Read on to find out.

Reason #1 - You might feel like you married for the wrong reasons or else you never intended for your marriage to last a lifetime. Although people spent hundreds of years valuing the institution of marriage, this often isn't the case any longer. All you have to do is watch TV for a while to find a celebrity in a non-traditional relationship in which one or more babies were born to the relationship without the benefit of prior nuptials. Marriage is no longer revered by the younger generation, and obviously, if you don't value it, it isn't worth keeping when the going gets tough.

Reason #2 - You may have married too quickly, before the two of you really got a chance to know each other well. You could have succumbed to lust instead of waiting for real love. Since that time you've undoubtedly found out things about your spouse that have made you question why you married them in the first place. The answer is to make an effort to get to know the person you married much better and look for the points about him or her that you can learn to love and admire.

Reason #3 - You've found yourself in less than comfortable circumstances financially. It's possible that when you married neither of you had any clear idea of how you were going to make enough money to pay the bills. You were in love and eager to think that this bond would sustain your union. Now you've learned that it's not going to happen unless something changes, and it's up to you to try. Some options are to take classes to learn a new trade, look for a better job, or see a financial counselor to get help with managing the money you do have.

Reason #4 - You might have developed a distrust in your spouse, either for a legitimate reason or because you perceive that he or she isn't attracted to you any longer. Communication is one of the keys here. Keep closely in touch and remember that if you think loving thoughts about your spouse, say them. Make an effort to always be honest. If you made a mistake, own up to it instead of trying to cover it up. Together you can work it out.

Although these are just examples of reasons why marriages fail, you'll see that whatever your problems are, there's always choices other than divorce. Take the time to look for them, and you'll discover that you can make your marriage work after all.

Get 8 hours of live marriage coaching and proven marriage advice that really works at: Stop divorce or here: Save My Marriage.

Original article

It Seems Divorce Is the Only Way - Don't Give Up Before You Read These 4 Tips

No marriage is an accident. Each and every marriages in this world is holy and sacred, even those that are filled with so much problems. No matter how perfect your marriage may seem, there will certainly come a time in your married life that you will be faced with problems that would make you to decide to end the marriage and file for a divorce. But before you proceed any further, it is recommended that you read these tips on how to fix your marriage life.

Open Communication is Important

The first step in fixing a troubled marriage is to communicate with your partner well, so as to discuss your problems and look for ways on how to address these problems. Instead of keeping your frustrations to yourself, it is best that you open up your feelings and let out all the things that you want your partner to know. On the other hand, make sure that you should also be willing to listen to all the things that your partner would want to tell you.

Divorce is Not Always a Good Option

The problem with some couples is that they would often resort to ending the marriage right then, without even doing something to fix it. This happens because of too much pride in oneself, and the fear of being humiliated on the thought that your partner might be the first one to file for a divorce against you. There are actually a lot of things that you should consider before deciding to file for a divorce - think of your kids? Do you think they would be happy with your decision to end the marriage?

Cooperation Is a Must

When you are trying to fix a marriage crisis, it is important that you and your spouse should be hand in hand in fixing whatever problems you may have. You cannot fix the problem on your own - you should be able to ask for the cooperation of your spouse, if he too, is interested on fixing the marriage. After all, marriage involves two persons, and therefore, two persons involved in such relationship should also be hand in hand in fixing the problems.

Time Heals All

When it comes to fixing your marriage problems, it is best that you allow yourself to heal from the pain first, before confronting your partner and opening up your decision to fix your problems. You cannot solve your problems if there are still grudges in your heart, so give yourself some time to heal and forgive your partner. So when the time comes that you need to face your spouse, you will be able to fix the problems well since you no longer have the pain in you.

Fixing a troubled marriage is not that easy, more especially if you are the one who got hurt. But if you are still open on the idea of saving the marriage and giving your partner a second chance, then go ahead, follow these tips and save your marriage life before it's too late.

Is your marriage worth to save? Discover how to assess the relationship itself and decide if it is worth to saved or not at when to divorce. If you decide to fight for it, I suggest you check out Save My Marriage Today review for recommended course by an expert to save a marriage in crisis.

Original article

Divorce: A Men's Guide to Survival

We have often heard about ways in which women handle emotional difficulties especially through the phrase of a divorce. This guide serves as a means for you to understand your emotional roller-coaster that you are facing to equip you with the upcoming challenges that may arise. As you read through, do take note of the feelings that may hinder from making you live as how you used to. Here are some tips to help through your journey:

(1) Realise that the incident has occurred. It is important for you to realise the state that you are in, to prepare yourself mentally for the future. Denials often come as a set- back as it hinders you from progressing normally for your day-to-day life.

(2) Think of your own survival. Make a difference, move house as soon as possible. Change the way you live. You may need a lot of time to do this but as soon as you have a grasp of it, you will be able to do fine.

(3) Understand your situation. You must be able to understand that your situation is normal and that it is normal for you to feel the way you feel. Every person who goes through a divorce will feel betrayed, hurt and you may even question yourself: "Where did I ever go wrong?" You must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not alone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't experienced

(4) Prepare yourself mentally. You may find it difficult to fall asleep at night and at times, you would constantly remind yourself of your relationship and what you could have done to make it better. These thoughts are normal but it would not bring back your marriage. You must accept that your marriage is over and fill up your time with activities. Yes, you would still be reminded of your situation even though you are busy, but it would help in subsiding the pain that you are undergoing.

A few things you might think about doing:

Write everything down. From the way you feel, to expressing your anger, journal your thoughts when you are free. Every time if you have the urge to be summoned by your past, record the feelings down. Explain in details the start of your relationship to the end of it. Describe events that made you happy and angry. Let her know how it truly hurts you. It is necessary for you to vent out your anger so that you would feel better.

Set goals for you to allow yourself to be working on it no matter how hard the circumstances are. Pick yourself up and ensure that you do little things that would make yourself proud. It would boost your self- esteem.

Do something that makes you feel good. Most important - don't be afraid of making mistakes along the way. Rebuilding your life may take trials and errors. Go for activities and social gathering when you feel better after your grief. Give yourself a chance to be free from the worries that you may have. It'll be hard, but the sooner you start dating, the easier it'll be for you to regain your emotional well-being. At first, even though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and associate with other people.

Eliminate boredom and loneliness from your life. You must first understand that both of these problems are self-induced. That is, if you are bored or lonely, it's because you are allowing yourself to be. Boredom is generally a form of emotional anaesthesia brought about by the person who is bored, because he doesn't want to experience his own feelings.

Get involved in something. This is the best time for you to revamp everything in your life. From your messy wardrobe to all those piling letters that you have not sorted out, take this time to delegate important tasks, to organise your workspace and also to organise everything that may not have been the way it should be. Offer a visit to your cousin's house, do some painting, or even drive around to explore places, there are many possibilities that awaits you! Before long, you would realise that life offers a much meaningful experience. Loneliness is basically a different form of boredom. A person feels lonely when they can't think of anything they want to do, and thus, they begin feeling sorry for themselves because no one cares about them. In order not to be lonely, you have to start thinking of things you might enjoy doing with other people, and then invite other people to join you in doing those kinds of things.

I hope that these tips has helped you in understanding the inflicting pain that you are in now and we hope that you would allow yourself enough time for the healing process to be completed. Only you can change who you want to be. You have the decisive force to make things happen. Everything is up to you, if you want a fruitful and enriching life, start taking actions now.

Original article

Serious Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

Sadly, celebrity divorces make all the headlines for all the wrong reasons. They showcase the most unconscious behavior, especially when it comes to relationships.

Too often the rich and famous spend more time working out their wedding details than on determining whether this was a good match from the start. Unfortunately, celebrities are not alone in making this common mistake. Too many couples think no further than the honeymoon plans when contemplating marriage. They have no idea about the complexity behind real relationship issues and the maturity it takes to create a successful long-term outcome.

Divorced couples find this out the hard way. They learn through hindsight about the challenges two people face when living together week after week, month after month in today's stress-filled world. It takes awareness, flexibility, great communication skills and the ability to understand your partner's perspective to make a relationship work - and that's just for routine life experiences. Throw in accidents, sickness, job loss and other major stressors, not to mention the complexities that come with having children, and it's easy to understand why so many marriages fail and too often end in divorce.

If you're divorced and looking to find a healthier, happier relationship ahead, or marrying for the first time and want to avoid relationship disasters, here are some tips that are worth serious consideration:

· Know your partner well -- during the good times and the bad. It's after you face disagreements, nursing your partner through an illness and other life challenges that you find out who you are really contemplating spending the rest of your life with. If what you discover makes you uncomfortable, have some serious conversations - or move on before making any further commitments.

· Don't expect to be "completed," "saved," or "fixed." No one can fill the void in your inner self. You're setting your partner up for failure if you expect them to fix your problems and love you through your unresolved issues. Do the inner work on yourself first, perhaps with the support of a therapist. Heal your wounds and neediness. Then seek out another soul who has done the same to partner with you.

· Be hooked on more than just romance. Happily married couples will tell you that you have to be more than great bed-mates to make a real relationship work. Look for common values, goals, beliefs and interests. Opposites may attract in the short-term, but you want a marriage based on respect and sharing a future together. If your core values and interests are not in alignment, you're facing a tougher road ahead.

· Be your authentic self - and don't change for a partner's approval. You can't fake your way through a marriage. If you hate sports, the internet or pets, state it up front and find a mate who loves you knowing this reality. It's unfair to hide your true self from your partner and it's a disservice to yourself pretending to be who you are not. Honor who you are and look for a partner with high self-esteem who loves themselves as they are. That's a formula for lasting relationship success!

As so many celebrities discover, money won't buy you a happy marriage. You can't use sensuality as a substitute for good sense. Relationships don't have storybook endings. They require constant attention, the ability to sacrifice and compromise at times, and a heavy dose of respect for the person you brought into your life.

Before setting out in the relationship world, work on your inner demons, let go of the baggage from previous relationships, and take your time in getting to know the special partner you are choosing. There's no magic wand that will make your relationship succeed, but these guidelines will set you on a course that will circumvent a lot of pot holes along the road to happily ever after.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a divorce and relationship coach. She is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and author of the internationally acclaimed ebook: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! She is also co-author of the new book: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Her free divorce and parenting tip sheet and coaching programs are available at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/. Rosalind's free dating tip sheet and relationships courses can be found at http://www.womendatingafter40.com/.

Original article

5 Reasons to Ask For a Divorce - When Divorce Is the Best Option

It may seem at times that divorce is regarded as the easy option. We hear the statistics and may be forgiven for thinking that people decide to divorce on a whim, as soon as there are the first signs of trouble. The reality is often very different. Many people fight to save their marriages, for a whole variety of reasons. Children, family expectations, financial implications, fear of the unknown, all these reasons can play a significant factor in deciding whether or not to call it a day on a relationship.

Let's look at 5 reasons when divorce is the best option;

1. We're not the same people. A couple can grow apart and gradually find that they have both changed from when they first met. Some couples get together when they are both very young, go on to have a family and build a life together but then over time appreciate that they have grown apart, with interests, goals and dreams that neither share. Other couples may realise, only after they are married, that they never really knew each other. Sometimes these situations can be worked through with effort, love, patience and mutual respect. Other times it can be more healthy to acknowledge the situation, admit that the relationship is over and move on.

2. Nothing seems to fix our problems. Relationship counselling has been tried and made no difference to the situation. Counselling can take a variety of forms. Some people talk things through with family or friends, but that can be unsatisfactory as those people may have a bias, even if they are well-intentioned. Using professional relationship counselling can provide a neutral environment, away from the home, where time is allocated specifically for the purpose of understanding each others point of view and trying to re-establish communications.

3. We're starting to hate being near each other. Personal body space has grown to such an extent that they avoid being together. When a couple are intimate they often enjoy being physically close. Often they will touch either other affectionately, almost without realising. A hand on the other's arm or leg, a casual touch as they pass by are often automatic responses. But when a couple become estranged their desire to be close dissipates. They may eventually start to leave the room as the other enters. It may be done without them even noticing, such is the level of antipathy at being in each others company.

4. Sniping, bitching and bickering have become the norm. When a couple have become so unhappy in each others company that they cannot share a civil conversation then the time has come to ask how much more of their lives needs to be expended on such a destructive, unhappy relationship.

5. The children are starting to be affected. The welfare of children needs to be paramount. Children can be seriously affected by a negative atmosphere. Parents are often keen to keep the children safe from arguments and rows but it is almost impossible for children to avoid noticing a bad atmosphere and being aware of constant tension between parents. Often children wonder if they are somehow to blame. It can be healthier for children to live a calmer life with one parent. Handled with sensitivity, children can readjust and keep a close relationship with both parents, but in a happier and more positive way.

Many people dread the emotional turmoil and feeling of disappointment and failure that comes with divorce. Sometimes it is more courageous for all to admit that the relationship is not working and try to divorce with as much respect and dignity as possible. When that is achieved those couples may still be able to remain friendly with each other even if they realise that they cannot live together.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding, whatever the eventual outcome and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

Further help, advice and articles are available.

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net/

Original article