2010 Divorce Rates and Longer Term Trends

On 8th December, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) released the latest figures on divorces taking place in 2010. Having recently written about the trends over recent years, and what this tells us about the health of marriage as an institution, it is worth considering how these latest stats affect the bigger picture.

The headline is that the number of divorces in 2010 rose; the first annual rise in eight years (since 2003) and seemingly out of step with the broader trend. The total number of divorces that occurred in 2010 came to 119,589 representing a 4.9% increase on 2009's 113,949 divorces. Although, on the surface, this does seem to suggest a rise in the prevalence of divorce the figure could potentially be explained by other factors such as a larger married population - more tellingly the divorce rate, that is the percentage of the married population that got divorced, also rose from 10.5% in 2009 to 11.1% in 2010. So does this reinforce the perception that more marriages are failing?

Rather than an indication of a broader shift in societal attitudes it is more likely that the results for 2010 mark a glitch in a longer term decline in divorce rates. This kind of glitch or spike in divorce rates has been seen at other points in recent history when the country has been on the tail end of a recession. In 1993 the rate spiked following the recession between 1990 and 1992. There seems to have been a lag between the worst of the financial troubles and a jump in divorces and it seems plausible that this could also hint at causality; financial issues are one of the major causes of relationship breakdowns and the lag may be explained by a) an initial reaction to 'pull together' to deal with money issues, b) the build up of subsequent pressures in the relationship and then, c) once the relationship has broken down, the time it takes for divorce process itself to complete.

In terms of the broader picture, the actual number of divorces has been noticeably falling for the last decade although it is easy to attribute this to the corresponding fall in marriages and previous divorce trends eroding the size of the married population in the first place. The fact that the divorce rate has been steadily falling too suggests that those who are married are less likely to split.

Further evidence comes from the profile of those couples involved. More divorces involved individuals aged 40-44 than any other age group in 2010 but interestingly it seems that the age at which people divorce is creeping up (both men and women had 0.2 increases to 44.2 and 41.7 respectively), albeit in line with the rise in the age at which people are marrying, whilst the duration of marriages has plateaued. Moreover, the highest rate of divorces for men in 2010 was seen in the 30-34 year old age group rather than the 25-29 group in 2009 (women were unchanged). This may all suggest that marriages are starting later but are beginning to last a little longer.

Despite the latest figures telling us that 33% of marriages starting in 1995 had failed in the 15 year period to 2010 (up from 22% of those in the same 15 year period from 1970) the ONS is suggesting that the figures they have obtained so far may indicate that the rate of divorce before the 15th year for more recent marriages may be likely to decline. Again this adds a little more weight to the argument that couples now seem to be waiting longer, being more cautious but ultimately, as a result, being more successful in their marriages.

In summary, it would seem most likely that the rise in divorces in 2010 is a spike, as witnessed in previous periods of recession, rather than a longer term trend. There is still evidence in the age and duration of those getting divorced to support the bigger picture that couples are being more successful in marriage, but only time will tell.

© Stuart Mitchell 2011

I'm a small business owner. If you are looking for more information on the legal support available to you through the divorce process then visit Family Solicitors London.

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Deciding To Divorce

What's going on with me? "I am so confused! Yes, I want a divorce! No, I don't. Should I work on my marriage? I can't stand being married! Maybe I will file! Maybe my spouse will file! I have to keep my vows! No, I can't keep my vows! God doesn't want me to suffer like this!" Sound familiar? This type of confusion happens all the time. The question is which side are you on? Are you the one wanting the divorce or the one willing to do whatever it takes to save it?

Whether you are the one seeking the divorce or the one hoping to save your marriage, your feelings will be all over the place. At times, you will be confused, hurt, and depressed. There will be days you will not be able to get out of bed and do the things you normally do. Going to work will be hard for you. You will be sensitive, emotional and angry. Emotions will flood your mind. You may wonder why this thing called divorce hurts so much. Many will clam up and avoid family and friends. I remember when I went through my divorce I was embarrassed and I felt like a failure. What would my friends and family think of me? How could I tell my siblings and parents? I was numb and I felt so distant from everyone. I didn't know what to expect minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month!

I had little energy to do the things I needed to do. Everyday normal activities including working and raising my daughter were difficult. I was just too emotionally drained to do the things that really mattered. Experts say that 85% of your energy is lost during the initial stages of divorce. Whenever my ex-wife called, my emotional energy came to life but would quickly fade after we talked. The ups and downs were taking their toll on me. The big question I constantly asked myself was, "Am I ever going to get back to normal?" I knew I could not continue living in pain.

Even though my friends meant well, at times, their words hurt. I remember a close friend of mine trying to encourage me. "Come on pal, get a hold of yourself! You should be getting over this divorce! What's it been, 4 months?" he said. I know he meant well, but nonetheless, his words cut deep! People who have not been through divorce do not understand the pain you're going through and at times will say hurtful things. Do you have a list of hurtful words? I certainly do.

• "She wasn't your type anyway! You can do better!"
• "I heard about her reputation and it's not very good."
• "She never treated you right and I never liked her because of that."
• "Play the field and find someone that has the same interests."
• "You two didn't have anything in common anyway."
• "She had mental issues so be glad she's gone."
• "She only married you for your money and everybody knew that."
• "She filed on you? This is the best thing that could ever happen to you!"

Hurtful words can impede the healing process. At times people will impose their moral compass and challenge your resolve to recover.

Inappropriate relationships can also impede the healing process. I counsel my clients to be wary of those who would take advantage of their vulnerability. Men and women alike will use your pain to entrap you in a sexual relationship. This will only complicate matters. You need time to heal which is why I advise against new relationships! Stay away from them! How can you work on a new relationship when you still haven't resolved the issues from your past? New relationships will only mask the real problem and will rob precious healing time needed to recover. It can also prevent you from reconciling with your spouse.

What can you do to get through the initial phase of your divorce? Surround yourself with friends who will support you emotionally and protect you. Find an accountability partner. Women need to find other women to confide in. Men need to find a male counterpart as a trusted adviser. I also recommend a trusted family member to rely on. Make yourself accountable so that during times of discouragement or temptation you have someone to remind you of the commitments you've made. More often than not, even an innocent meeting with the opposite sex can turn into an inappropriate relationship.

During this time you should focus on yourself by getting plenty of rest and exercise and turn your attention to your children, if you have them. They will need your undivided attention during this time. Write down your personal goals and what you think you'll need to do to help yourself and children. Give your accountability partner permission to hold you accountable for your actions. These people will be your lifesavers. Listen to them and be willing to talk about the issues they bring up. Your children will be your number one priority so get counseling for them too if needed. Following are some questions to think about as you go through your divorce. Each week I will have questions that will help you through the process.

• What kind of loss did you feel this past week?
• What kind of emotions did you deal with? Anger, rage, bitterness, sadness, loneliness?
• Do you trust the people you share your hurts with?
• What is your biggest fear? How do you plan to deal with it?

Take some time to consider these questions and write your thoughts out on paper. This will help as you process the next steps you have to take.

Are you considering a divorce or has your spouse filed for divorce? Do you need help in deciding your next step? Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Do you want to learn new ways of talking with your spouse about the things that concern you regarding your marriage? Are you thinking about filing for divorce? There will articles in the next several weeks that will address these issues!

Going through a painful divorce can be ugly, fighting to keep a marriage from failing can be exhausting. It takes work either way, that's where I can help you. I have been doing this kind of work for over 25 years. If you need someone to talk to, you can go to my website at http://applicablecoaching.com/ or http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/ for additional information.

Original article

January - The 'Divorce Month'

The month of January has traditionally been a busy time of year for lawyers and family law firms. So much so that it has now acquired the moniker 'divorce month'. But is this tag justified and why does January seem to bring things to a head for struggling couples.

Impact on Legal Firms
It is not necessarily the case that January brings with it the highest number of divorces actually completing but any family law or divorce lawyer will tell you anecdotally that they do indeed handle many more individuals or couples who look to get the ball rolling in January than at any other time of year; to the extent that family law firms now brace themselves by planning to maximise their available resources as they enter the New Year.

Impact on Other Sectors
This upsurge in divorce enquiries doesn't just affect lawyers but can even bring with it an increase in business for estate agents, as prospective divorcees look to either value their property ahead of a divorce or sell it as a result of one. Perversely, this January influx of available properties can be seen as a annual fillip to the housing market in general (not just estate agents) as more valuable properties are often unlocked, although the newly single divorcees can also provide additional competition further down the ladder against, for example, first time buyers.

What's more, the number of internet search queries on divorce related subjects such as "how to divorce" can clearly be seen to peak in January. Even online dating sites for divorcees see January as their busiest time of year.

There are many theories as to why January delivers this unfortunate bounty. It is likely that, being in the 'bleak mid winter', individuals' personal happiness contributes significantly to conflict but lawyers do also point to a few particular factors that repeatedly play a part in the cases they handle.

Festive Flash-point
The festive period plays an obvious role as a flash-point for struggling couples as well as a yardstick when considering the future. Many couples find themselves spending more time in each others company than at any other time of year, except perhaps on summer holidays, and in that situation they can find that issues they may have been suppressing become more apparent and salient. Add to this that the festivities can bring more family pressures than at any other point and it can be a 'volatile' combination. The pressures for couples to spend time with each other's families, buy presents and deal with the expectations of children can exacerbate the issues in any unsuccessful relationship. If couples struggle to cope with financial issues successfully the festive period can add another nail in the proverbial coffin with the outlay of present shopping making it the toughest couple of weeks on the bank balance. Moreover, the enforced expectation that it should be the happiest time of year can bring into stark focus how broken relationships actually are. All in all it can be a very emotional and challenging period.

New Beginnings
Generally divorce lawyers report that people take a while to consider divorce before making their first legal enquiries. Taking this into consideration it is even more apparent that January should prove a pivotal time of year for couples with all of the triggers it presents. Many use the festive period and perhaps the New Year in particular as a yardstick and a point at which they consider where they are in their lives and where they are going. It is perceived as a time for new beginnings and if they have been thinking about the state of their marriage throughout the year, the New Year may well spur them into action as they look ahead to the future and whether they wish to spend another year in the situation they're in.

There certainly seems to be a trend, particularly with couples who are under considerable financial pressures in the current economic climate, to stick out the year and get through the demands of Christmas before reviewing personal finances in the New Year - that is, to determine whether they can solve current conflicts and/or how they will be positioned in the event of divorce proceedings. This is evidenced by the fact that estate agents can be inundated with requests for property valuations by people reviewing their finances within their relationships.

Happy Christmas
Some couples no doubt see the festive period as one last attempt to salvage the relationship, or at least one last test of it, but unfortunately, for many couples, their problems only become exaggerated rather than fixed. Those with children tend to report that they stay together through the period for the sake of their children to avoid ruining their Christmases and scarring an emotional time of year for them. Once they are out the other side and the children are back into their school routines that motivation recedes and a realisation sets in. In fact many law firms believe that the first Monday following the resumption of the school term is their busiest day of the year.

All this doesn't suggest that January is the most appropriate time of year or easiest to get divorced or start proceedings, but it does confirm that the it is simply the time of year when there are more contributing factors that seem to more struggling couples in that particular direction.

© Stuart Mitchell 2012

I'm a small business owner. If you want to find out more about what advice and services are available to those who are looking to resolve difficulties in relationships then you can visit Divorce Solicitors London or Family Solicitors London.

Original article

How Is Property Divided at Divorce?

How is property divided at divorce?

It is common for a divorcing couple to decide about dividing their property and debts themselves, rather than leave it to the judge. But if a couple cannot agree, they can submit their property dispute to the court, which will use state law to divide the property. Division of property does not necessarily mean a physical division. Rather, the court awards each spouse a percentage of the total value of the property. Each spouse gets items whose worth adds up to his or her percentage. Courts divide property under one of two schemes: equitable distribution or community property.

•Equitable distribution. Assets and earnings accumulated during marriage are divided equitably (fairly). In practice, often two-thirds of the assets go to the higher wage earner and one-third to the other spouse. Equitable distribution principles are followed everywhere except the community property states listed just below.

•Community property. In Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin, all property of a married person is classified as either community property, owned equally by both spouses, or the separate property of one spouse. At divorce, community property is generally divided equally between the spouses, while each spouse keeps his or her separate property (that property which is accumulated prior to the divorce or acquired by gift or inheritance. In Alaska, couples can agree in writing to have their property treated as if they lived in a community property state.

Can a spouse successfully prevent a court from granting a divorce?

One spouse cannot stop a no-fault divorce. Objecting to the other spouse's request for divorce is itself an irreconcilable difference that would justify the divorce. A spouse can prevent a fault divorce, however, by convincing the court that he or she is not at fault. In addition, several other defenses to a divorce may be possible:

• Collusion. If the only no-fault divorce available in a state requires that the couple separate for a long time and the couple doesn't want to wait, they might pretend that one of them was at fault in order to manufacture a ground for divorce. This is collusion because they are cooperating in order to mislead the judge. If, before the divorce, one spouse no longer wants a divorce, he could raise the collusion as a defense.

•Condonation. Condonation is someone's approval of another's activities. For example, a wife who does not object to her husband's adultery may be said to condone it. If the wife sues her husband for divorce, claiming he has committed adultery, the husband may argue asa defense that she condoned his behavior.

•Connivance. Connivance is the setting up of a situation so that the other person commits a wrongdoing. For example, a wife who invites her husband's lover to the house and then leaves for the weekend may be said to have connived his adultery. If the wife sues her husband for divorce, claiming he has committed adultery, the husband may argue as a defense that she connived-that is, set up-his actions.

•Provocation. Provocation is the inciting of another to do a certain act. If a spouse suing for divorce claims that the other spouse abandoned her, her spouse might defend the suit on the ground that she provoked the abandonment. Keep in mind that although these defenses exist, most courts will eventually grant the divorce. This is because of the strong public policy against forcing people to stay married against their will.

Divorces have increased during the past five years. Here is all the information you need if you want to get a divorce. http://howtogetadivorcex.com/

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How to Deal With the Pain of a Divorce

Even the most amicable of divorces are painful. The sense of loss, hurt, failure can be hard to come to terms with. And with an acrimonious divorce, whilst there may be feelings of relief that the difficulties of the relationship are finally coming to an end there is still often a sense of regret and disappointment. After all, there was at one time love and a commitment that the relationship that was meant to last a lifetime.

Let's look at several ways to deal with the pain of divorce.

- Counselling and hypnotherapy are an important way to reconcile to the ending of a relationship. It is a valuable exercise to address what went wrong and why, to look at your own role in the breakdown of the marriage. Even your being compliant and accommodating may need to be reviewed because that behaviour gave your ex partner tacit permission to behave the way they did. Other people may come to realise that they have negative expectations of their life; they repeat patterns of behaviour that are destructive or they are apprehensive about saying how they feel for fear of the outcome. These behaviour patterns will improve with the use of counselling and hypnotherapy.

- Take time for yourself. Recovery can be supported by having counselling but time is also important. Taking time to discover who you are, what you want, how you feel, especially after the breakup of a long marriage is important. Grieve for what has happened and be kind to yourself. Explore your own taste in different areas; colours, interests, dress sense, music. When you've been part of an established marriage it can be all too easy to abdicate your individuality for the greater good. Finding what really suits and appeals to you is part of the next stage of recovery.

- Having a break from intimate relationships can be an especially good decision. They are not called rebound relationships for nothing! It can be seductive to look for love and want to become part of another couple very quickly. But finding a new home for all the love and closeness you're used to sharing is not the best way forward. Take time to heal, settle down and enjoy being independent for a while.

- Use the divorce as a catalyst for positive change. Exploring your own thoughts, ideas and potential for the future can be a revelation. A new beginning can include options to travel, a change of career, decisions on where to live. Being part of a couple usually requires compromise. Becoming single again after a long relationship can be both scary and exciting, often at the same time. Enjoy the opportunity to experiment, make mistakes and possibly start something new and different.

- Accept invitations to do things that you may not have considered before. If there is a spare ticket avail yourself of the opportunity to go, if colleagues are going for a meal or a drink after work take the time to get to know them better. Sometimes these events will be good, others not so good. Give yourself credit for having a go and joining in.

Most people agree that the end of a marriage is a sad and painful situation. Being gentle with yourself and accepting that some days are good, some not so good, can support you through the healing process. Taking simple steps, at your own pace can help you to reconcile and recover, having taken positive steps to learn from the experience.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

Further help, advice and articles on this and other associated subjects are available.

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net/

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