It may seem at times that divorce is regarded as the easy option. We hear the statistics and may be forgiven for thinking that people decide to divorce on a whim, as soon as there are the first signs of trouble. The reality is often very different. Many people fight to save their marriages, for a whole variety of reasons. Children, family expectations, financial implications, fear of the unknown, all these reasons can play a significant factor in deciding whether or not to call it a day on a relationship.
Let's look at 5 reasons when divorce is the best option;
1. We're not the same people. A couple can grow apart and gradually find that they have both changed from when they first met. Some couples get together when they are both very young, go on to have a family and build a life together but then over time appreciate that they have grown apart, with interests, goals and dreams that neither share. Other couples may realise, only after they are married, that they never really knew each other. Sometimes these situations can be worked through with effort, love, patience and mutual respect. Other times it can be more healthy to acknowledge the situation, admit that the relationship is over and move on.
2. Nothing seems to fix our problems. Relationship counselling has been tried and made no difference to the situation. Counselling can take a variety of forms. Some people talk things through with family or friends, but that can be unsatisfactory as those people may have a bias, even if they are well-intentioned. Using professional relationship counselling can provide a neutral environment, away from the home, where time is allocated specifically for the purpose of understanding each others point of view and trying to re-establish communications.
3. We're starting to hate being near each other. Personal body space has grown to such an extent that they avoid being together. When a couple are intimate they often enjoy being physically close. Often they will touch either other affectionately, almost without realising. A hand on the other's arm or leg, a casual touch as they pass by are often automatic responses. But when a couple become estranged their desire to be close dissipates. They may eventually start to leave the room as the other enters. It may be done without them even noticing, such is the level of antipathy at being in each others company.
4. Sniping, bitching and bickering have become the norm. When a couple have become so unhappy in each others company that they cannot share a civil conversation then the time has come to ask how much more of their lives needs to be expended on such a destructive, unhappy relationship.
5. The children are starting to be affected. The welfare of children needs to be paramount. Children can be seriously affected by a negative atmosphere. Parents are often keen to keep the children safe from arguments and rows but it is almost impossible for children to avoid noticing a bad atmosphere and being aware of constant tension between parents. Often children wonder if they are somehow to blame. It can be healthier for children to live a calmer life with one parent. Handled with sensitivity, children can readjust and keep a close relationship with both parents, but in a happier and more positive way.
Many people dread the emotional turmoil and feeling of disappointment and failure that comes with divorce. Sometimes it is more courageous for all to admit that the relationship is not working and try to divorce with as much respect and dignity as possible. When that is achieved those couples may still be able to remain friendly with each other even if they realise that they cannot live together.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding, whatever the eventual outcome and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net/
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