Do you know someone who typically blames others and denies personal responsibility for his/her problems? Do you know someone who is adamant about having his/her day in court and refuses to entertain any suggestions to negotiate or mediate the dispute?
Most of us know at least one person like this. Maybe they have been a client, a friend, a previous employer, a family member, or former spouse. There are numerous examples that illustrate that personalities, not legal issues, often propel conflict. Let us consider two families going through a divorce.
Tale of Two Divorcing Families:
Family #1:
Mr. Apple is considering a divorce and seeks the counsel of an attorney. Mr. Apple shares with his attorney that he would like to resolve the dispute out of court to minimize costs and maintain a healthy relationship with his soon-to-be former spouse and children. Mr. Apple's attorney recommends a collaborative divorce process utilizing the assistance of a mental health professional and a financial professional.
There is a family home, two young children, and retirement accounts. Mr. Apple is quite successful and has an annual salary of $150,000.00. Through the collaborative divorce process, the couple agrees that Mr. Apple will provide Mrs. Apple with some alimony because she has a demonstrated need for financial support, and Mr. Apple will provide the two young children with child support. In addition, Mrs. Apple will remain in the family home while Mr. Apple rents an apartment. After five or six collaborative meetings, the Apple's reach an agreement and obtain a divorce for a total of $10,000.00.
Family #2:
Mrs. Orange is furious with her husband and wants to make him pay for all of the wrongs she has suffered during her lifetime. She seeks an attorney to get the divorce process started. The Orange family also has a family home, two young children, and retirement accounts.
After three years of litigation, multiple temporary hearings regarding a wide variety of issues such as restraining orders, a parenting plan, and child support, Mrs. Orange finally gets a full-day trial with her second attorney. Yes, her second attorney! She fired the first because she was not aggressive enough. The court orders Mr. Orange to pay spousal support and child support and orders the family home to be sold. The legal fees for Mr. and Mrs. Orange total $100,000.00.
So What Can We Learn?
Both families had similar issues and concerns. Both families used attorneys. Both divorces were likely emotional, stressful experiences. Yet, one family spent one tenth of what the other family spent getting a divorce. Why? Mrs. Orange made the decision to pursue a highly adversarial approach to getting a divorce. Her high conflict personality propelled the conflict. Her emotions were exaggerated, and her behavior was frequently inappropriate. Minor issues were portrayed as major conflicts, and she persisted on issues with a lot of drama, long after Mr. Orange had let them go. Throughout the process, she always blamed someone else for her problems.
High conflict personalities (HCPs) are driving a significant portion of the litigation, and we would all be in better position to identify and manage these personality types with a deeper understanding of HCPs. Simply be aware that you might be dealing with someone who is a high conflict personality type, and you might need some special skills and techniques to protect yourself, the HCP, and others.
Arthur J Grossman is an Orlando Divorce Attorney with the Orlando Florida law firm of Grossman & Grossman P.A. located in Winter Garden. He holds a Master of Laws degree from the #1 ranked dispute resolution program in the United States, The Straus Institute at Pepperdine University School of Law. If you need an Orlando Divorce Lawyer who will work with you to resolve your case efficiently and respectfully, please call (407) 573-2301 or visit the Grossman & Grossman P.A. website. http://www.thegrossmanlawoffice.com/
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