1. Don't play the game.
We know that divorce is typically a game of "Who can screw who out of what". Do you really need to keep his Great Grandmother's China? Decide from the beginning (and keep it to yourself) what you can realistically live without, and move this thing forward.
2. Regroup as a Group.
Kids internalize what they see.
Believe it or not, your children see or hear you stressing over the details of your divorce (even when you think they're not listening), and as a result, they stress too, and it usually manifests itself in the form of things like sleeplessness, inattention or acting out at school, etc.
Taking time out to "regroup" as a group is a must. Treat your kids to an evening away from their home environment whenever possible. It doesn't have to be elaborate. A movie, the zoo, or even a trip to the neighborhood park for some fresh air can be a huge relief. The more they see you not stressing over it, the less they'll stress.
3. Get Out. Be Social.
Nothing refreshes the soul like a much-deserved field trip.
Getting out of your usual environment feels like you're physically pushing away the box that all of your stress is in, and the further away you get, the better you'll feel. Get yourself into an environment where you can talk to others about everything, and nothing. Don't talk about your divorce. Talking to people who aren't going through the same experience is enlightening and uplifting like nothing else I know.
4. Realize that this is temporary.
Getting caught up in the drama that's going on with your divorce will give you an overwhelming feeling that this will never end.
Trust me, it ends. Whether it's in three months, or three years, this too shall pass. The task at hand for you, is to fill your time with ways to manage the emotion of the process. Looking at it as your way of starting fresh instead of seeing it as only an end, helps you to look forward to doing the simplest things, like re-decorating your home (and we all do it). It puts a whole new spin on this process.
5. Take care of YOU first.
If you have a nervous breakdown, you're no good to anyone.
Taking care of yourself first simply means remembering to do the first four steps like they were your religion. "Who's going to take care of my kids if I'm busy 'taking care of myself'" isn't a relevant question. I'm not saying that you should let your children run wild and unfed take care of yourself, in order to put yourself first. I'm simply saying, remember to take care of your spiritual, emotional and physical self, or you'll find that you might soon be a candidate for a straight jacket.
Debbie Burgin is a post-divorce coach, and author of "The Joy of Ex" http://www.thejoyofex.blogspot.com/.
Having an empathetic ear during and after divorce can be invaluable. Looking for a post-divorce coach? http://www.thegirlfriendsguidetodivorce.com/
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