Bad, bad and bad. In most cases, anyway. Divorces are never pleasant, and they usually bring out the worst in the parties concerned. They are often full of anger and resentment, and cost a lot. And not just in terms of money. In addition to draining your pocket, they will take an emotional toll on you. So a quick, cheap divorce may not be the best way for you to go.
Instead, take the time to plan for the separation, and in fact for the next stage of your life, when you will be single again. There will be a lot of details to keep track of, and many aspects of the process to follow. Stress can quickly build up to the boiling point.
To keep things under control, get yourself an agenda or some kind of daily planner, and organize your life carefully. This will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed (although you may get that 'swamped' sensation occasionally) and keep the stress level down to manageable size.
Divorce is not a simple process, nor should it be. Whatever the causes of divorce, take the time to prepare yourself, and do each step properly. Say to yourself, it will take the time it takes, that's all. When you do feel frazzled and snowed under, drop everything and go for a walk, or to the gym, or have a beer or coffee with your buddies. Whatever works for you.
Sometimes one partner will feel so upset and betrayed that he or she will try to drag out the divorce as long as possible, thereby considerably raising the divorce costs. Or in a vindictive fit, they will attempt to get everything. Try to resist this temptation. Stretching out the divorce makes it more painful for everyone, especially children, if any. Divide up your property fairly; this will pay dividends in the long run. Perhaps you and your spouse can be friends again, later on. In any case, it is always best to do the right thing, and be reasonable.
If money is a major factor for you, it may be possible get some legal advice for free. Contact your community centre or find a self-help group in your area that can advise you. Or call your legal association to find out if you can get at least an initial consultation with a lawyer, for free.
During the divorce procedure itself, it is usually wise not to deal directly with your spouse. Have your lawyer present during negotiations, or leave it to him entirely. Direct communications between you and your soon-to-be ex at this point will often degenerate into an argument, or a shouting match. Even if it does not, you will have no record or proof of anything that was said or agreed to. You may say or agree to something that you should not have mentioned, or that will harm your interests. Your lawyer is there to protect you, even from yourself.
And now the biggie:MONEY. After the separation and divorce, you will be on your own. You will have to pay for everything yourself. So BEFORE the split, make a record of your finances, bank accounts and other investments. This will ensure that you get your fair share, and that your ex does not stash some cash in out-of-the-way places, hidden from your eyes. Keep an especially close eye on joint accounts. You may want to close them as soon as possible, or at least take your half... while you can.
Having said all that, the main point of your divorce is to get it over and done with, and to get on with your life. But, as I said above, it must be done properly, step by step, or it will come back to haunt you later.
Finally, if you should get discouraged by the whole idea of divorce and decide to try just once more for a reconciliation, good for you! Studies show that most breakups can be fixed, so you probably CAN get your ex back in spite of everything. All you need is a plan to follow. Watch this free video to learn more.
You do not have a plan? Well, I would hate to think you lost your chance for love and happiness with your ex because of that! Click here: => http://www-FixingBreakups.com/ to get more help. You will find the little psychological tricks that have helped so many others, and will surely help you too.
Good luck to you, and good loving to both you and your spouse!
Your friend, Jake Rancen
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