Yep, it is a really big step...divorce, and it is rarely an easy or simple decision. The end of your marriage marks the end of a big period of your life, and the beginning of a new, hopefully happier and more satisfying one for you. Wow, that is a lot of steps, and a lot of changes. No wonder it can be scary to even think about. But think about it you must; it is too important not to.
So how are you going to tell if divorce is the right, or best, choice for you right now? Good question. Just the fact that you are here, reading this article, probably means that you have been thinking about divorce. Maybe for quite some time. Should you go ahead with it? Or not?
Most marriages have their ups and downs, and problems and stresses. No surprise there. The central question is, Do you WANT to try and fix it? It probably can be repaired, with some effort on the part of both you and your spouse. Let us put the question another, more useful way: Do you still love your spouse?
If you do, it might be worthwhile for you to make another attempt to save the situation. That way, later on if you get divorced anyway, you will be able to say that you did your best, and your conscience will be clear.
Here are 4 reasons marriages can hit the rocks and shatter, in no particular order of importance:
1. The Big One... Cheating
This is often thought of as the big, major issue; it can indeed lead straight to divorce, and rather quickly at that. If your mate was unfaithful, it is for you to decide if you can truly forgive them and renew your marriage. Really forgiving your spouse means forgetting about it and putting it behind you. Really really behind you. And not throwing it in your partner's face later on, during a heated argument. Can you do that?
If you were the cheating heart, be honest now. Was it just a mistake, a case of raging hormones? If you still want to save your marriage, then tell (and show!) your spouse that you still love him or her, and promise it will never happen again. On the other hand, if you cheated because you lost interest in your spouse (see Point 4 below) or because something was missing from your marriage, then a divorce is probably best for both of you.
2. Abuse
An abusive relationship will destroy you from the inside out, and make a big hole in your soul. It should not be tolerated for long at all, and I am including physical and emotional abuse here. Try to work things out with your mate, and make changes soon. Go see a counselor, alone if you have to.
3. Addictions
An addiction to alcohol, gambling, drugs, etc. can also ruin a marriage in short order. Perhaps the most corrosive aspect of an addiction is that the other, non-addicted spouse may sense that the addict loves his alcohol, drugs, etc. more than he loves her. So she will feel alone and betrayed.
The addicted spouse should get help quickly, and start treatment. He or she should make a commitment to try and change and turn their life around. If not, get out of the relationship before you are dragged down and destroyed as well. These people need professional help, which you cannot provide.
4. Indifference
Maybe your marriage just sort of petered out, for no particular reason other than you simply lost interest in each other. No more spark. The thrill is gone. Well, people change with the years and grow apart, especially in long-term marriages. Still, do not be too hasty to throw it all away because of this. Think carefully.
Evaluate what you have now, and your possible happiness with another, new mate. Your happiness and contentment is what is most important, of course. So take the time to weigh everything, and decide if a divorce at this stage of your life is best for you. Take your time, and do not let anyone rush you into a quick decision. It must be the right choice for you. After all, there is no going back.
Before charging right ahead with the divorce, please keep this in mind. Studies show that most marital problems can be fixed, so I am sure saving your marriage is indeed possible. All you need is a plan to follow. Watch this free video to learn more.
You do not have a plan? Well, I would hate to think you lost your chance for enduring love and happiness with your spouse because of that! Click here => http://www-FixingBreakups.com/ to get more help. You will find the little psychological tricks that have helped so many others, and will surely help you too.
Good luck to you, and good loving to both you and your mate!
Your friend, Jake Rancen
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