When two people divorce and wish to lead separate lives, it becomes much more complicated when children are involved. Divorcing parents should have the same goal-to be as involved in their children's lives as possible and to provide them with stable, effective parenting. Joint custody is one way to achieve that goal, but can it work for your family?
A joint custody parenting plan has the best chance of success when you and the other parent experience low-conflict communication. Many divorced couples approach communication as a business agreement where they keep emotion out of the conversation. In other words, when you interact with a co-worker, boss or client, you keep things brief, to the point and professional. If you can do this with the other parent, a joint custody parenting plan may work out for your family.
If you and the other parent have similar values and parenting styles, the chances for success with a shared plan increase. When children are exposed to one person's methods, which are completely reversed with the other parent, it can cause confusion, stress and divided loyalty. Your children will benefit from joint custody if you and the other parent see eye to eye on many basic child rearing practices.
Another key issue in making a joint custody parenting plan work is proximity to the other parent. When children have to shuffle between households frequently, it leaves them feeling unsettled, distracted and conflicted. You both can minimize those feelings by remaining in close proximity to each other and to your children's schools and friends. When transitions between homes are smooth and conflict-free, joint custody can benefit children.
Here are 5 questions you and the other parent should ask yourselves in order to determine whether a shared custody plan will be successful:
1. Can I work with the other parent to put my children's needs before our own?
2. Can I handle frequent communication with the other parent without conflict?
3. Can I refrain from negative comments and actions toward the other parent in front of the children?
4. Can I respect the other parent's abilities to parent as he or she believes is best?
5. Can I be flexible with my desires and wants for the sake of the children?
Don't be afraid to answer the questions honestly to assess whether such a plan might be a good fit for your newly formed family dynamics. It's better for everyone involved if you both acknowledge your own parenting strengths and weaknesses and create a workable plan from that.
Ultimately, for any parenting plan to be successful, it requires two committed adults who understand the unique needs of their children. Children do best when there is frequent, caring contact with both of you, and a joint custody parenting plan may be the best way to structure that contact.
Make a joint custody parenting plan and schedule with the Custody X Change parenting plan template. It allows you to search for and create the best shared custody parenting plan to use as a detailed, reliable guide for your newly reorganized family.
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