Some people have to go home to their parents in tough economic times but can you imagine sharing a house with your ex-spouse?
"Definitely I blame the economy," growls a cantankerous Al Goodwin as he collapses in a barstool after a long day at his Seattle construction site. The gritty 52 year old foreman pulls no punches as he complains about another a growing irony: Former Mates Who Cohabitate.
Since the collapse of the US economy, many divorced couples found it necessary to continue to share a mortgage. Recessions, layoffs and "being just plain broke have practically made it impossible to relocate. And what if I did move?" Al demands. "Where in the world would I go? I'm underwater on that house and I'd suffocate under more debt and more damage to my kid's financial future." Los Angeles based marriage therapist Cindy McCorkran, LMFT, agrees that doing more financial damage wouldn't solve the crisis. "If you have two people who agree to disagree, what's the harm? If they're in the same boat together so there's more willingness to harmonize if both their assets are on the line."
Kids?
There's a reasonable expectation that someone will move out sometime during a divorce so if both parents are divorced but still live together? "That's a lot to explain" agrees Louis Cavanaugh, Ph.D., a relationship specialist in Las Vegas. "Just think: you break the inevitable news and boom! You two are still sharing the same roof. It can certainly confuse children if they aren't old or mature enough to understand. It's a little disconcerting, to say the least, to explain to your children in the first place that you're getting divorced but the financial impact can be more devastating. If you can work it out so you can get on your feet as soon as possible it may make it easier on your kids."
Financial Implications
The phenomenon of former mates who cohabitate is relatively recent. Nevertheless, it may be instrumental in uniting former combative cohorts. For example, if you're under the gun to share space and get along, at least you're doing it with the proverbial devil you know. Now you have very little choice: it's tantamount to moving home with your parents with your tail between your legs.
Is Reconciliation a Potential Result?
The jury's out on that one. "But I have counseled divorced cohabitants who are considering reconciling since they've managed to survive this kind of storm. In a strange way, it's brought cantankerous people to a better understanding," says Cindy.
Kristina Diener, PsyD, FAAETS, SAP is a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma related to divorce and assault. Contact Kristina at kdienerpsyd@pacbell.net or visit http://www.kristinadiener.com/.
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