When I look back on my marriage, I remember the good times and the sweet sentiments and the intimate moments. I also remember, the bickering, the arguing, and the fighting. I lastly remember the day I realized that my husband would not be coming home for dinner.
I had a good cry that night and the next night and the next week. The ache and the physical pain are something, I won't soon forget. I did recover and you will too. If you are reading this article, you are probably in a similar situation as I was. Reeling from the loss of your hopes and dreams, you are seeking advice and consolation from the internet.
I would type in such things like; "husband left, now what"? The search generated numerous blogs and articles that primarily had to do with trying to get him back or how to save my marriage. I wasn't really sure if I actually wanted to save my marriage or if I even wanted him back.
I was looking for ways to get rid of the pain and steps to move on. Not only that, there was an assumption that by doing a few tricks and behavior modifications on my self, that I could bring him back. Let's get real - he walked out on me, isn't he the one that needs some work? Not only that, everyone knows that it takes two willing individuals to make a marriage work and if one decides to depart, that equation is now unbalanced.
It takes some time, but you will heal and you will go on to love another day, but how do you do it? How do you build up your self-esteem and bring back life to your personality? How do fight through the blues to get to the sunny days again? It's not easy, but it is so much better than playing games to bring home a man who has made it clear its over.
Saving Yourself, Not Your Marriage
It is time to be selfish. For once put your needs first. Resist the urge to try to fix this. It is quite possible that trying to fix something is what got you in this situation in the first place.
Step 1 - Take a Trip
No, not a vacation. Its time to take a serious trip down memory lane. Don't censor this trip, you need to remember more than just the good times, specifically the last few weeks before he left. You want look at his odd behaviors, comments and demeanor. What we tend to forget after they have been gone is that the last few weeks or months have been horrible. Your intuition most likely told you that something was amiss. Don't lie to yourself. You know the health of your marriage and deep down even in the aftermath you can still find a memory of what was really going on. Once you have a picture of the true health of your marriage, you can now move on to the next important steps.
I have been there. My husband left me numerous times, Sometimes he came back, sometimes I got him back and sometimes he got me back. The last time was the most important time. The time where I decided, NOT him that he should stay gone!
For more tips and steps to saving yourself, please check out my blog Stay-gone.com. There you can ask questions and read daily insights on how to save yourself and not your marriage. You are a valuable person who deserves to receive the amount of love you are willing to give.
Lilac Kirk is writer who wants to help other woman pull themselves out of the drama of unhealthy marriages and relationships.
No comments:
Post a Comment