So I was with a friend just recently who broke up with her boyfriend. And we were having a conversation about how she felt guilty because of the promises she had made to him, and was very upset because of the plans they had made together, that they would no longer share. There was also disappointment of what could have been, but would now no longer be.
And then we discussed the crucial idea that in that moment she did mean it, they did mean it. But now the moment had gone, and things had changed, the meaning that was given to that moment had changed. As we are meaning making machines, we always give an event a meaning. Now we can change that meaning and that is really up to us.
A moment is just a moment and if we are able to isolate that moment in its entirety, would we suffer so much with these memories? If every moment was left on its own, without joining the dots with meaning, what would our life be like? All the good moments that we shared in the past - would surely stay there right? All of the bad moments would also stay there, without affecting us in the present.
The only thing that keeps us in the pain here either as a result of what was NEVER and what CANNOT BE are these thoughts. Without connecting the dots with the lines of meaning, suffering would be lessened as we would stay present with what is going on now. Thinking about the past, is essentially what brings us the pain.
So how do you change the meaning of the past?
1. Practice - Well this actually is a practice, a practice that every time you do, you say something like "thank you for sharing, and I now let this thought go."
2. Challenge The Thoughts To Create New Meanings "This thought does not serve me, let me become present with what is." As our thoughts lead to feelings, that lead to our emotions - without the thoughts and the meanings we can become present and release the ABCs of negativity.
3. Get Creative To See Things From a Different Perspective - You can create a dot to dot board. Join the dots to signify what your relationship used to look like. Then create another dot to dot board and change the picture. Connect different dots to create new meanings so that those moments that are just moments in their entirety serve you. Do this until you find the picture that most suits you.
Marina Pearson
Soul Conneczions - Freedom From The Ex Without The Stress
http://www.soulconneczions.uk.net/
We work with divorced women to stop their ex-husband push their buttons.
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