Celebrating a holiday can leave you feeling stressed, but that strain can become magnified when you are a divorced parent trying to juggle your children's holiday custody schedule.
The possibility of spending a special day without your children, or for less time than you are used to, can stir up emotions of loss and anger. However, with a proper holiday custody schedule within your parenting plan, you can minimize frustration and develop strategies so that you, the other parent and your children can have a good time
Tips For Smooth Holidays
Here are 6 strategies to approaching the holidays with your children after your divorce:
Create a holiday custody schedule in advance.Don't count on you and the other parent to just work it out when it comes to visitation over the holidays. A detailed plan that outlines everything from where the children will be each day to the times and dates of transfers between your homes will keep things smooth and low conflict.Make plans for your entire holiday. Keep yourself busy when your children are not with you so you don't dwell on their absence. Schedule something that is fun, relaxing and fulfilling for you. It could be something like gathering with extended family or trying something completely new.
Preserve old traditions. Even though your family has changed over the last year, you can still hold onto holiday traditions that are meaningful for you and your family. While you may not be able to do exactly the same things as in the past, keeping traditions as part of your holiday will help your children honor their heritage.
Create new traditions. The holidays are a perfect time to experiment with fun rituals that can lead to new family traditions. It's a way to reassure your children that changes to your holidays aren't automatically a bad thing. Involve your children in choosing new traditions.
Stay in touch. Make plans to communicate with your children on the holiday itself if they are not with you. Spend a few minutes with them via a phone call, a video chat or a short note for your children to open. Making contact with your children will help you both cope with being apart and keep the connection between you strong.
Keep it real. Don't feel like you have to overcompensate on activities, presents, outings and fun times now that you are divorced and sharing holidays with the other parent. Keep the holidays realistic and don't set such lofty holiday goals for yourself and your children. Remember that meaningful, fun family time is what children need most.
Always Put Your Children First
Negotiating a holiday visitation schedule can be tricky for parents, but your children may feel stressed and anxious when they don't know what to expect. You can ease your children's fears by making sure they understand the upcoming schedule.
Create a color-coded calendar that clearly shows where the children will be at what time and day. Help your children count down the days and talk about some of the events that will happen during the holiday. Go over the upcoming schedule over and over until they feel comfortable with it.
The most important thing you can do to help your children manage the holidays successfully is to ensure they don't feel guilt or sadness about leaving you. Never tell your children that you will be lonely, upset or sad that they are gone-they should not shoulder the responsibility of thinking they are the cause of your unhappiness. Instead, be positive and let them know they will be missed, but that you will be fine. Encourage your children to have fun with the other parent and that you can't wait to hear all about it.
Your children deserve to spend quality time with both parents, and that includes time during the holidays. Whether you've got a long winter break or a fun-filled summer festival coming up, your primary role is to make memories with your children. Creating a comprehensive holiday custody schedule can help you and the other parent focus on that task rather than placing your children in the middle of a battle every holiday.
Create customized holiday custody schedules using Custody X Change, an award-winning custody software. It allows you to enter in your holiday schedule, then organizes the information into a color-coded calendar you can print out or upload to your mobile devices. Use Custody X Change to make sample holiday custody schedules in a parenting plan to use for a custody hearing or mediation session.
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