Creating a Custody Schedule: Five Steps to Be a Supportive Parent to Your Child

I have created five simple steps to help you connect with your child during the divorce/custody process to ease their fear and insecurities. There is nothing fun or easy about getting divorced when a child is involved. Learn how to help them understand and adjust to their new situation.

Tip #1: Make it a top priority to help your child through the situation.

For many children, divorce is very hard on them because they have not fully developed their coping skills like adults have. They also have a high level of anxiety worrying about what is going to happen to them next.

Make sure your child does not blame them self for the divorce. Children frequently blame themselves for a variety of reasons; they see it as a form of punishment for them not to live with both parents, they heard the parents arguing and placed blame on them self, they are used a pawn between parents and lose all self esteem, etc. Talk to your child and assure them the divorce is not their fault.

Let your child know both parents love them. Explain that you are both working together to create a situation where the child can spend quality time with both parents. Finally, let the child know they will still be a huge part of both parents lives.

Tip #2: Let your child know what is going on.

You need to be constantly updating your child on the situation. Explain the divorce in a way that is age appropriate and don't assign blame to anyone. Tell them about the process and what to expect in the future.

There are two important things to consider with this step. First, really think about the age and disposition of your child. They may not need a long discussion about what is happening or they may have a lot of stress/anxiety and need a lot of reassurance. Second, you have to be able to talk to your child in a calm loving manner. There cannot be any hint of blame, anger, or frustration toward the other parent.

Tip #3: Spend quality time with your child.

It is more important than ever for you to take the time out of your life and spend it with your child. Go and participate in some of your favorite activities or try something new. Don't go out once and bombard them with divorce talk. Your goal is to build your relationship as a loving parent and friend. Show them they are important to you- don't just tell them.

Tip #4- Don't force them to talk about how they feel. Let them bring it up to you.

This step varies greatly on the age of your child. If you have a teenager, it will take a lot more work to build trust and get them to open up to you. A younger child might bring it up easily and could respond well to a statement like, "I know the divorce is hard on you and I want you to know I am her to talk or answer any questions you have."

No matter the age of your child, wait for them to be ready to talk about how they feel. Don't have rehearsed answers about the situation. Validate their feeling and concerns and positively respond to their concerns.

Tip #5- Ask for their feedback if appropriate.

Talk to your child about decisions regarding their future. For example, if you and the other parent are working on the parenting plan and have decided on 50/50 physical and joint custody, talk to them about what that means. Then explain the different types of custody schedules for 50/50 physical custody and ask what option they like the best. Honestly listen to your child's thoughts and concerns. This can also apply to other issues like changes in living arrangements, some budget issues, etc.

Remember, to use your judgment. If decisions have to made by the parents and there is no way around certain issues, don't ask for feedback. But explain decisions made to your child in age appropriate terms. Finally, realize some children are just too young to be able to make the best decisions.

You and the other parent need to decide how and what is the best way to ask for your child's feedback.

Conclusion

As a parent, you probably struggled with the decision to move forward, worrying about the effects a divorce will have on your child. You have the power to help them transition in a supportive and loving way.

Erica Larsen is a writer for Custody X Change softare. This software helps those wanting to create a custody/visitation schedule do it easily and effectively. You can create visual calendar of the custody schedule, see the time percentages each parent has, and journal any changes to the plan.

Learn more about the different custody schedule examples and questions to ask yourself before creating a custody schedule.

Original article

How Do I Choose the Best Custody Schedule for My Child?

You have the opportunity to do what is best for your child when you are trying to choose a custody schedule. The majority of parents are filled with the desire to protect their child from any pain or sadness. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. We have to all learn how to cope with the disappointments and joys of life. Here are eight questions to ask about your child which will help you make the best decision possible.

1. What is the age of my child?

Different ages create their own advantages/disadvantages when choosing a custody schedule. It will be vastly different if you have an infant, school-age child, or teenager. Research your child's age and needs so you have a baseline to start from.

For example, and infant or toddler needs a "home base" while a teenager can easily spend longer periods of time with one parent. School age children like to spend time with both parents and see their support.

2. Does my child have two loving, supportive parents?

I want to encourage you right now to have a positive attitude about the other parent. Maybe they have not always made the best choices, are living somewhere you don't approve of, or you can't look at them without getting angry. Put all of those feelings aside. You need to be able to move forward for your child.

The simple question is this: do they love your child and also want what is best for them? The answer is probably yes. You need to remember they are also the child's parent and deserve time with them. Don't use your child as a game piece against the other parent.

If there has been any type of abuse in the past, this needs to be heavily considered when choosing a schedule. One parent might have sole custody with supervised visitation. Sometimes this is ordered by the court.

A 50/50 schedule might be a great option if both parents are committed to getting along and want to have the child involved in their lives.

3. What custody schedules work best with my child's personality?

Your child has their own unique personality which needs to be considered. For example, can your child handle being moved back and forth from each home multiple times a week or would they do better staying for longer periods.

Does your child need a simple consistent lifestyle that does not cause them any additional stress or anxiety? Does your child like change and can stay on top of all their responsibilities? Also what is your child's relationship with each parent? Would they find it easier to stay more at one home than the other?

There are many different schedule types to meet your needs. You can choose the percentage of time with each parent, how often the child changes homes, when the exchanges happen, etc. Research all the different custody schedule options available to you.

4. Does my child have any special needs that need to be considered?

Each child is special and unique. Every issue should be considered. If your child is struggling or excelling in school, it would be easier if you allowed them to stay in the same school. Does your child have any medical or mental conditions like asthma or ADD? Are they involved in any special activities like league sports or a performing group?

5. What is reasonable in our situation?

There may be times when your unique situation will dictate the custody schedule to use. For example if you are living in different states, past abuse, courts determined the custody schedule, etc. You will need to figure out how to help your child adapt to the custody schedule given. Think about the questions above and how you can support your child.

Erica Larsen is a writer for Custody X Change. Custody X Change is a software designed to make creating a custody schedule easier.

Research the different custody schedule examples and 50/50 custody schedules.

Original article