Surviving divorce or saving your marriage; is that a trick question or is it a real option? After all, if we're already looking at divorce, isn't it too late to save our marriage? The answer to that question is really in your hands - yours and your spouse's.
Three of the top causes for divorce are: lack of communication, lack of commitment and wrong expectations. Now look at what our society is teaching us today through the media. In today's society, we are conditioned to see things happen fast. We expect immediate gratification. The television commercials tell us to rush right out and buy the newest hot item. Not only that, today's culture encourages us to "trade-in," recycle, upgrade or replace just about everything in our life.
So it looks like there isn't much encouraging us to stay in a marriage that has seen some bumpy roads. If it's tattered, don't fix it, replace it.
Now let's look at the other side. First, if you are like most people, you had some deep feelings for each other. You loved each other, or you thought you did. Being together made you happy. You probably made plans for the future together. You may even have children together.
What happened to change all that? Some of the other causes of divorce include money problems, sex problems, cheating, addictions and "little things." Most of these are related to the three we mentioned above: lack of communication, lack of commitment and wrong expectations. If you had been committed to each other and communicating, the other things might not have happened or they could be solved together. What were your expectations of your spouse and for your marriage?
Here's a bit of reality for you from someone who has been through divorce and has helped others survive; surviving divorce is painful - maybe more painful than saving your marriage. There might still be time to save your marriage.
Last effort to save your marriage
First sit down by yourself and ask yourself some questions (and answer them). Here are a few to get you started:
Whose idea is the divorce?Is one of you having an affair or cheating?Do you want to save the marriage?Does your spouse want to save the marriage?Are you two able to talk together?Could you do anything to save the marriage?Could your spouse do anything to save the marriage?
Do you want to try to save the marriage? If so, try to sit down with your spouse and have an honest discussion. If you are both willing to sit down and analyze the marriage, you may be able to save your marriage. And if not, be prepared for the task of surviving divorce. Consider sitting down with a neutral third party if necessary, like a marriage counselor or clergy person.
Whatever your decision is, I wish you lots of love, luck and happiness.
Mel Weiss is an author who specializes in divorce and business problems. You can check out his latest website at Surviving Divorce, where he provides pain-saving articles and advice for several divorce related issues, including Save the Marriage, How to Divorce, Attorney Fees, Children Surviving Divorce and more.
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