Fear - It Grips More Than The Relationship

I was ashamed of myself. I should have known better. Why did I allow this to happen? Why did I let this go so far? What the hell was I thinking? Men as well as women can be on the wrong side of an abusive relationship. I know, I was there, and these are just some of the thoughts that came to mind when I looked back and began to write my book about the experience. Although you see many stories and hear about women who are abused in some way, physically, mentally or emotionally, there are many men who find themselves on the receiving end.

The conclusions that I came to might surprise you, might even shock you, but the main conclusion I came to was this. Almost everything I did, was done out of fear. Fear of what might happen, fear of what could happen, fear of what people thought, fear of what people would say and ultimately, fear of the unknown. Maybe there are fewer stories about men in abusive relationships because of fear. They probably feel that as a man they might be viewed or ridiculed as being weak or pathetic, unable to stand up to a woman and take charge of the situation.

Personally and speaking from hard earned experience, I got myself into the relationship from hell. I often asked myself how I could have been so stupid to carry on with a relationship which was clearly never going to last. I got engaged; I got married and endured a honeymoon nightmare after a wedding day disaster that most people couldn't even imagine.

I believe that many people are in relationships, men and women that they just shouldn't be in. Like me they are or were in the relationship for the wrong reasons, one of the main reasons being fear. It's only when we step out of the fear factor and allow ourselves to be free, that we feel alive again.

Experience is a great teacher and in any lifetime we all have lessons to learn. I was lucky. My inner voices, or as I prefer to call them, my spirit guides, were on hand to steer me through the troubled times and get me to the other side. Here we have another major issue. Most often we are led by our brain and logic rather than being led by our hearts. We may often feel that our heart is talking but more often than not it's logic mixed with fear. It's only when we get quiet, we have time to reflect and truly follow the heart's desire. I know of no one who ever had the heart's desire to live in an abusive relationship, so the question is: Why do so many people find themselves there?

There is nothing wrong with admitting mistakes and leaving a relationship that isn't working. The trick is to leave the relationship and stay away. Going back on the promise of changes being made rarely, if ever work, especially if there has been a troubled and turbulent history. At best the changes will last a few days, a few weeks, or if you are really lucky, a few months. It's never too long before the old habits start repeating and you're back at square one. How long do you go on? How much do you take? How far do you let things slide, before you see sense and leave for good? All good questions and if you are in the wrong relationship, then I hope you answer them quicker than I did.

Like most everyone else I have lived my life in a predominantly linear manner. I mean I have always tried to figure everything out with brain power, willpower or mind power. The truth is that there is no real power in any of these. Sure we can logically reason and make decisions based on the information we receive through our brain or mind. The trouble with that is the information is filtered and based on beliefs or what we already know. Sometimes these filters are defective or fear based and the information we get can be faulty or incomplete.

Since writing "Orion & The Wildcat" I have found that my perspectives have changed or are beginning to change. I now believe that we should not be thinking with our minds but following our hearts instead.

Here is why:

In the book you'll discover the consequences I faced as I allowed my EGO and fears to be the basis for almost all the decisions I made. See for yourself the timeless wisdom that was being presented to me that was largely ignored. I also reveal the disastrous situations I found myself in due to the blind faith I had in logic and reason.

http://orionandthewildcat.com/
http://natureowisdom.com/

Original article

Serious Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

Sadly, celebrity divorces make all the headlines for all the wrong reasons. They showcase the most unconscious behavior, especially when it comes to relationships.

Too often the rich and famous spend more time working out their wedding details than on determining whether this was a good match from the start. Unfortunately, celebrities are not alone in making this common mistake. Too many couples think no further than the honeymoon plans when contemplating marriage. They have no idea about the complexity behind real relationship issues and the maturity it takes to create a successful long-term outcome.

Divorced couples find this out the hard way. They learn through hindsight about the challenges two people face when living together week after week, month after month in today's stress-filled world. It takes awareness, flexibility, great communication skills and the ability to understand your partner's perspective to make a relationship work - and that's just for routine life experiences. Throw in accidents, sickness, job loss and other major stressors, not to mention the complexities that come with having children, and it's easy to understand why so many marriages fail and too often end in divorce.

If you're divorced and looking to find a healthier, happier relationship ahead, or marrying for the first time and want to avoid relationship disasters, here are some tips that are worth serious consideration:

· Know your partner well -- during the good times and the bad. It's after you face disagreements, nursing your partner through an illness and other life challenges that you find out who you are really contemplating spending the rest of your life with. If what you discover makes you uncomfortable, have some serious conversations - or move on before making any further commitments.

· Don't expect to be "completed," "saved," or "fixed." No one can fill the void in your inner self. You're setting your partner up for failure if you expect them to fix your problems and love you through your unresolved issues. Do the inner work on yourself first, perhaps with the support of a therapist. Heal your wounds and neediness. Then seek out another soul who has done the same to partner with you.

· Be hooked on more than just romance. Happily married couples will tell you that you have to be more than great bed-mates to make a real relationship work. Look for common values, goals, beliefs and interests. Opposites may attract in the short-term, but you want a marriage based on respect and sharing a future together. If your core values and interests are not in alignment, you're facing a tougher road ahead.

· Be your authentic self - and don't change for a partner's approval. You can't fake your way through a marriage. If you hate sports, the internet or pets, state it up front and find a mate who loves you knowing this reality. It's unfair to hide your true self from your partner and it's a disservice to yourself pretending to be who you are not. Honor who you are and look for a partner with high self-esteem who loves themselves as they are. That's a formula for lasting relationship success!

As so many celebrities discover, money won't buy you a happy marriage. You can't use sensuality as a substitute for good sense. Relationships don't have storybook endings. They require constant attention, the ability to sacrifice and compromise at times, and a heavy dose of respect for the person you brought into your life.

Before setting out in the relationship world, work on your inner demons, let go of the baggage from previous relationships, and take your time in getting to know the special partner you are choosing. There's no magic wand that will make your relationship succeed, but these guidelines will set you on a course that will circumvent a lot of pot holes along the road to happily ever after.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a divorce and relationship coach. She is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and author of the internationally acclaimed ebook: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! She is also co-author of the new book: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Her free divorce and parenting tip sheet and coaching programs are available at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/. Rosalind's free dating tip sheet and relationships courses can be found at http://www.womendatingafter40.com/.

Original article

Divorced Couples - Is There A Common Trait In The Relationship?

According to a new study done by MSN.com, 40% of women knew their marriage wasn't going to work out before they even said their 'I do's'. My first instinct was to look at this statistic and wonder why they would get married in the first place, but after thinking about it logically, I see why these confused brides continued to walk down the isle.

A lot of the time, people look at 'long term' as a solution. In my profession, I encounter countless people who think they may be better off without their partners, but stay out of either fear, comfort, routine, or simply because they truthfully believe that if they stick it out, that one day their problems will be eliminated simply because they stayed together. It's what psychologists call 'the wedding solution.' People think that if they do something like have a baby together or get married, knowing they're linked with a stronger bond will make them more determined to work through their problems.

What often ends up happening is that the two parties resent each other for wasting their time with a long marriage that was really unwanted in the first place, which causes arguments and eventually leads to divorce.

So how do you avoid this when searching for people through an online dating site? You stick with your instincts!

Most people are a good judge of the characters they would and wouldn't get along with. If you start talking with someone who gives you a bad impression, or if when you meet someone to transition from internet dating to dating in the real world and you don't connect, don't waste your time trying to salvage what you had online. Sometimes chemistry simply doesn't transfer to reality, and it's best to put your efforts into finding someone you go well with instead of trying to save something with a person you've only known online.

If you think things won't work out, spend your time on something that you think will! Trying to force a relationship out of something that your instincts tell you won't work out will often lead you down the path of a painful break up, or worse, divorce. When you push a relationship, you're often putting excessive effort into making it work, which makes the break up harder than necessary. If you have a feeling it's not going to work out, don't push it! Find something that's better suited to you, your likes, and your lifestyle.

http://wwwdatingguide.com/ is a website dedicated to helping those entering the online dating world for the first time.

Online dating is slowly but surely taking over the world of singles. People used to resort to searching blindly for compatible singles in public, where you'd never know who would make an attuned match. Thanks to online dating, you get the chance to test your compatibility with a date before even saying hello.

Original article

Tips for growing after the end of a relationship

Getting dumped sucks and yet it happened to us all. A very small percentage Forever last relations, so if you are dating and put yourself out there it is inevitable that some points the person you are interested in is not available for the type of relationship that you are interested. One of the most difficult to accept in life things is the end of a relationship that is very important to you. Immediately after this happens, you deserve applause for even a sandwich. Shortly after he arrives well as your friends and family probably start the repositioning out you of the House and you will know that, even if you immediately not of for it, it is time to yourself to do things to help the recovery of the force.

I always found with my clients that the fastest way for people to get back to feeling like them is by taking the focus off the coast of the former and focusing on themselves. One of first steps that you pouvez take for advance to the healing is of take a few moments for box until their shit and get these elements out of your view and far from you. Seeing every day is a unnecessary and painful of the person you are missing and you will be in a State of yearning for someone who is not available.

After remove you their tips of your line of vision, I recommend to make a list of all the things you enjoyed the fact that you have not made in time. Maybe you enjoyed a certain type of film, but what s-their-name would not go to see this type of film with you. Maybe you enjoyed certain types of Museum or art galleries, but what s-their-name would not go to one of those with you so that you have not gone in some time. Perhaps you could even take a class on a new subject that interests you and your life can grow in a way that you never thought possible. Options on how to complete your time are countless and whenever you do something that makes you happier, you slowly and regularly move towards feeling more like you and the person happier that you deserve to be. Over time, you will be better that ever and perhaps you will be even meet someone who appreciates and values you... Unlike that s-their-name?

Dateologist Tracey Steinberg is a coach of life and dating expert who contributes to the love life of singles and find the love of their life. Read more articles, watch videos and learn more about Tracey please click on: http://www.traceysteinberg.com/

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