Divorce: A Men's Guide to Survival

We have often heard about ways in which women handle emotional difficulties especially through the phrase of a divorce. This guide serves as a means for you to understand your emotional roller-coaster that you are facing to equip you with the upcoming challenges that may arise. As you read through, do take note of the feelings that may hinder from making you live as how you used to. Here are some tips to help through your journey:

(1) Realise that the incident has occurred. It is important for you to realise the state that you are in, to prepare yourself mentally for the future. Denials often come as a set- back as it hinders you from progressing normally for your day-to-day life.

(2) Think of your own survival. Make a difference, move house as soon as possible. Change the way you live. You may need a lot of time to do this but as soon as you have a grasp of it, you will be able to do fine.

(3) Understand your situation. You must be able to understand that your situation is normal and that it is normal for you to feel the way you feel. Every person who goes through a divorce will feel betrayed, hurt and you may even question yourself: "Where did I ever go wrong?" You must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not alone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't experienced

(4) Prepare yourself mentally. You may find it difficult to fall asleep at night and at times, you would constantly remind yourself of your relationship and what you could have done to make it better. These thoughts are normal but it would not bring back your marriage. You must accept that your marriage is over and fill up your time with activities. Yes, you would still be reminded of your situation even though you are busy, but it would help in subsiding the pain that you are undergoing.

A few things you might think about doing:

Write everything down. From the way you feel, to expressing your anger, journal your thoughts when you are free. Every time if you have the urge to be summoned by your past, record the feelings down. Explain in details the start of your relationship to the end of it. Describe events that made you happy and angry. Let her know how it truly hurts you. It is necessary for you to vent out your anger so that you would feel better.

Set goals for you to allow yourself to be working on it no matter how hard the circumstances are. Pick yourself up and ensure that you do little things that would make yourself proud. It would boost your self- esteem.

Do something that makes you feel good. Most important - don't be afraid of making mistakes along the way. Rebuilding your life may take trials and errors. Go for activities and social gathering when you feel better after your grief. Give yourself a chance to be free from the worries that you may have. It'll be hard, but the sooner you start dating, the easier it'll be for you to regain your emotional well-being. At first, even though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and associate with other people.

Eliminate boredom and loneliness from your life. You must first understand that both of these problems are self-induced. That is, if you are bored or lonely, it's because you are allowing yourself to be. Boredom is generally a form of emotional anaesthesia brought about by the person who is bored, because he doesn't want to experience his own feelings.

Get involved in something. This is the best time for you to revamp everything in your life. From your messy wardrobe to all those piling letters that you have not sorted out, take this time to delegate important tasks, to organise your workspace and also to organise everything that may not have been the way it should be. Offer a visit to your cousin's house, do some painting, or even drive around to explore places, there are many possibilities that awaits you! Before long, you would realise that life offers a much meaningful experience. Loneliness is basically a different form of boredom. A person feels lonely when they can't think of anything they want to do, and thus, they begin feeling sorry for themselves because no one cares about them. In order not to be lonely, you have to start thinking of things you might enjoy doing with other people, and then invite other people to join you in doing those kinds of things.

I hope that these tips has helped you in understanding the inflicting pain that you are in now and we hope that you would allow yourself enough time for the healing process to be completed. Only you can change who you want to be. You have the decisive force to make things happen. Everything is up to you, if you want a fruitful and enriching life, start taking actions now.

Original article

What to Do When Relationships Fail: 4 Tips for Survival

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown

A friend's daughter just found out her husband is having an affair and wants a divorce. She and the kids (teen and younger) are devastated, shocked and angry. Sound familiar? My heart hurts for the people involved.

How would you cope with that situation? Or any situation when relationship falls apart? It could be death, loss of a job or position, a struggling marriage, or family estrangement. Even an unexpected illness can create severe stress in relationships. Suddenly, the world you knew has disappeared. It has been replaced with a mélange of emotional, mental, physical and financial roadblocks and dead ends.

It can seem impossible to cope, to get past the pain of betrayal and loss. Here are four tips to help you cope when relationships are strained or severed.

Release negative emotions.

You are complete in Him. (Col. 2:10) Complete means you need nothing that the Father has not already supplied.

Our tendency is to hang onto our self-pity and fear. We feel entitled to cry, rant and bemoan our situation. But looking at what you have lost will not help you move forward.

When my own marriage was struggling, I had to learn in my loneliness not to expect someone else to meet my emotional or physical needs. Instead, I practiced releasing my feelings to God, letting Him fill the perceived voids in my life. I had to take my expectations and pressure off of my husband, my daughter, my parents, my friends - and myself.

I learned to say, "You and me, God - You're all I need." It required practice (still does!), but you can learn - like I did - to set yourself free. Guilt, manipulation and threats will not hold a relationship together. Don't immerse yourself in negative feelings. Instead, soak in the overflowing fountain of God's love and provision. You can wallow or you can win. But you can't do both. It's your choice.

Ditch the guilt.

Have faith in God. (Mark 11:22) He is Redeemer and Vindicator. He will supply all your need (Phil. 4:19). He will give you peace that passes understanding (Phil. 4:7).Your only requirement is to trust Him. Hang onto His promises - by your fingernails if necessary!

Don't assume that a relationship failure is your fault. Did you contribute? Then face that fact and move forward. But don't beat yourself up or put yourself down. "What if's" and "I should have's" will not alter your present situation. Guilt, anger and unforgiveness hurt only you, not the other person. Replace those negative emotions with gratitude for the small joys and blessings in your life. The more you can find to be grateful for, the sooner you will overcome  

As God's child, you are special, beloved. He still has a good plan for your life if you will stay in faith and walk in love. No matter how difficult your current circumstance, it is temporary. Continue to believe in yourself and in God. Remember, He told you, "If I am for you, who can be against you?" (Rom. 8:31).  He can protect you from every evil work (2 Tim. 4:18).

Don't accept false responsibility.

Let not your heart be troubled (John 14:27).

Now, I'm not saying you can't ever expect anything. Obviously balance is the key. The world works because we function together - meeting each other's needs. The problem arises when your expectations and feelings become burdensome or trigger anger and frustration. That is a sign that you are placing your faith in the wrong thing.

Disappointment is rooted in selfishness. It discounts God's love and care. He told us to cast all your care on Him, for He cares for you (I Peter 5:7).

Face forward.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (Jer. 29:11).

The Bible declares that faith is substance, a powerful force that can change our circumstances and bring our hopes and dreams to pass (Heb. 11:1). Believe that you are strong enough to not only survive the strain of a failed relationship, but that you will triumph. Trust God to pick up the pieces of your life and turn them into something good.

The Apostle Paul knew a bit about a difficult life. His solution was simple. "... forgetting those things which are behind, [I reach] forth unto those things which are before" (Phil. 3:13). The past is unchangeable. Your future is yours to design.

No matter what you are facing, you can learn to be strong. You can put your trust in God and be an over-comer. Day by day, you can practice faith and patience, love and hope. Then, like Job, you will know that "though [my] beginning was small, yet [my] latter end shall greatly increase" (Job 8:7).

For more information on developing life skills, better relationships, and becoming the best YOU possible, visit http://www.seebecksolutions.com/ and sign up to receive your FREE subscription to "What Matters Most", a weekly ezine of inspiration, motivation and humor from a Christian perspective.

Ruth Seebeck has built a reputation over the last three decades as a life-skills coach, mentor, Christian counselor and friend. She is a business owner, author, community volunteer and event coordinator whose passion is helping others overcome life's challenges.

Original article

What is your marriage is threatened by a Tsunami? 4 Survival techniques to save your marriage.

If you feel like your marriage is drowned in a tsunami of problems or perhaps you are worried that life could change so hard it shakes your family to share, what is the best way to save your marriage and keeping your family intact? To answer this question, we can take lessons in the history of the survival of a wise man of Japanese.

Eager to return to normal life after an earthquake most of the residents of a Japanese city hastily began to rebuild their homes and their businesses. Their error was they rebuilt in the same locations accurate and made only minor changes to strengthen the Foundation and the structure of their buildings.

A wise man, however, is different. It if is rendered account that if his family was going live close to a line of fault, it had need to be better prepared. First, he joined his family a higher ground. Then, it has strengthened its foundation with equipment that would be flexible and forgiving when the soil is moved. He also made sure that each piece had something solid in it a sturdy piece of furniture. He then instructed his children not to hide under anything but to curl up and lie next to something that could absorb a collapse because it is there, there would be a security pocket. When the earthquake of March hit, his family and the House have survived because they had learned the lessons of their experience of the earthquake earlier.

Now, so who can remove you this history that you can apply to your marriage and the family in these troubling and changing times?

First: Recognize or not your marriage is on a fault.

Just as a rub of continental plates of the Earth against each other and create tensions, where you and your spouse rub each other that create a fault line of tension resulting in fights which shake the foundation of your family? Is the tension between you two on money, sex, different values, children, other family members? Get clear what is exactly rubs you two in the good sense and causes problems.

Second: Agreement to move to higher ground.

Choose to deal with any problem you have from a perspective more spiritual, positive, starting with an attitude of gratitude. Instead of simply noting the problem, acknowledge that things could be worse. Be grateful for what is right or what works or of how far you come.

Higher ground, so metaphorically or literally, gives you a better point of view that allows more creative solutions to appear. When you see your problems to a higher level gives you the space to think before you react. For example, a person who sees their marital faults in a higher perspective of soil is not as likely to run at a divorce attorney to seek safety. They are seeking other alternatives first.

Third: Choose to make forgiveness the major part of the foundation of your marriage.

The wise Japanese father knew that when the Earth is moved, he was required to rebuild with condoning the materials that his house is flexible and able to move when the ground shook. Whenever you can, ask forgiveness to a zone of conflict between you and your spouse. Then, your marriage will be a flexible Foundation (such as the home of man), which can absorb unexpected shocks and remain strong.

Fourth: Do not hide under things to finally do protect you.

You cannot escape and hide under things that finally does defend when things are difficult. In practice this means that when there is tension at home hiding behind a schedule of busy work, parenting, social commitments, volunteering or any other activity that gives you the "perfect" excuse for does not matter with walls that are caving in at home.

There are many examples of people who made a great life outside their home, to see that one day there was no home to return to.

To resist all the stress of conjugal and family life you must have safe pockets retreat, things do you together that absorb the tension. This could mean a regular night for dinner, a movie or dance. Maybe you two love play a sport or you have a hobby that you two. You could participate together in an organization or participate in features of the churches. Everything that supports your relationship and you help to absorb stress when life becomes unstable.

If you prepare for ground shake literally under your feet, or you are preparing for a major change that could threaten your state marital foundations, there are basic principles of survival which, once developed implementation can save your marriage.

Edie Sangiorgio is a wife, mother and step-MOM who has always had a passion for personal growth. In 1980, she received a liberal arts degree and then spent several years in the field of working at jobs in the industry film, law and real estate. In 1986, she married and moved to raise a family its own.

For more information, please visit: http://www.divorcevows.com/

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