Heading toward a nasty divorce? How could two people who were madly in-love end up resenting and in some cases hating each other? I wish I had the answer to that question because my desire is to see couples work through their differences and make the best out of sometimes difficult relationship issues.
Many spouses end up hurting each other before it's all over and in the midst of their fighting to get the best of each other, much pain is endured by many. Unfortunately, children, in-laws, friends and neighbors also suffer because of the marital discourse.
I'm sure that you have mixed emotions about staying together or ending your marriage. It is not an easy decision and one that you shouldn't take lightly. Your future and your legacy for your kids, if you have any, are riding on what you and your spouse decide to do. There are two questions I think you need to answer.
1. Is there any way to save my marriage?
2. If we can't save our marriage, can we have a respectful and decent parting of the ways?
Like I said before, divorce is not something that should be decided on a whim. I'm sure that you have been trying to find a way to fix your marriage problems and I commend you for doing so. Regardless of mistakes that have been made, if there is a possibility of forgiving each other and moving forward, your marriage can be saved.
So, why are so many marriages ending in divorce? My experience leads me to conclude that in most cases there is one of both spouses who have the disease of "I". Do you or your spouse have any symptoms of the "I" disease? Here are some of the symptoms;
• The need to have it your way all the time.
• An unwillingness to ever say that you were wrong or that you are sorry.
• The inability to see anyone else's pain, because if it's not about you, it's not important.
• The desire for your happiness to be obtained even if your spouse is unhappy.
• The unfortunate habit of allowing pride and ego get in the way of relationship.
You see many marriages are backwards and end up heading down the wrong path not too long after the honeymoon is over. Instead of learning how to sacrifice one's need for the sake of matrimonial bliss, individuals realize that marriage requires giving up some of the things they treasure. Over a period of years there is some resentment built up and before you know it, unhappiness settles in and the road to divorce court is embarked on.
Do I believe that you can save your marriage? Yes I do and I hope you do as well. I have faith that with some sacrificing and letting down of guards and positions, reconciliation and restoration can and will occur.
It is quite easy to get your marriage turned around, especially if that is what both partners want. The alternative is not pretty.
May I share with you what happened in my parent's marriage? I'll give you the short version;
My parents struggled greatly when I was around 5 years old and they fought often. My mom was pregnant and she found out that my dad was unfaithful. He physically abused her and she ended up shooting him a couple of times. He lived but needless to say they had a nasty divorce.
Now, I'm in no way implying that your marriage will end like my parents did. However, you really have no idea how nasty breaking up can become.
I hope and pray that you will do all that you can to try to save your marriage. You owe it to your spouse and yourself.
There are many marriage resources that you can utilize to give you some help in saving your marriage. At the very least, make sure that you have exhausted all options.
Finally, if you get to the point of going through with the divorce, please don't let the process change you and your spouse to the point where your joy is obtained by inflicting pain on each other. It's not worth it and in the end will lead to you feeling guilty and regretful.
The best way to head off the nasty divorce is to restore and rebuild your marriage. If you want more ideas on saving your marriage, please read more here; Help In Marriage
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